Thriving During The Holidays

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"I'm not a teacher: Only a fellow traveler of whom you asked the way.

I pointed ahead - ahead of myself as well as you."

-George Bernard Shaw

The Holidays are here in the United States starting with Thanksgiving this coming Thursday.  You may have noticed that the Holiday Season appears to have a magnifying affect on people's emotions; higher highs and lower lows. I'm interested in supporting people to have a more wonderful experience during the Holidays. If you're interested in that for yourself, then you are in the right place!

Most people attribute how they feel during the Holidays to their Circumstances, both past and present.  In other words the reason people think that they have a wonderful feelings is that they grew up in wonderful loving homes where there was always enough food, gifts to go around, and of course laughter, games and rituals.

On the flip side, people who grew up without those things often blame their lack of family, good food, and expensive gifts for their unpleasant experience of the Holidays.

Other people point to their past as the source of their misery or joy.

The good news is that these reasons are simply inaccurate. They are completely made up... innocently of course.

The key to it all is attribution.  Wherever people attribute their good or bad feelings to, is where they are going to go to either attempt to change them, or get more of them.

99.9% of people attribute their emotional experiences to an inaccurate source... circumstances.  So, it makes perfect sense that if you believe that you are going try to change your circumstances to try and change how you feel.

What most human beings do is they get something that they thought would make them happy forever, it doesn't work, and then they set about achieving a new goal for different "better" circumstances. They don't stop to think, maybe my circumstances aren't the source of my experience of life.  It's like looking repeatedly in you sock drawer for a t-shirt, and instead of looking in another drawer they just look harder in the same spot.

It doesn't matter how hard you look in the wrong direction, you aren't going to find what you are looking for.

So while we are busy trying to create the perfect looking life on the outside, we don't notice people who have very little, yet seem to experience great joy. We also ignore the people who actually have the "perfect" looking life on the outside and experience a lot of misery and suffering on the inside.

If you regularly experience suffering through the holidays, know that I get it, and am not making light of your experience. It feels very real and unpleasant. I know it's a time where we are bombarded by images and symbols of how our lives and families are "supposed" to be.  I'm also not saying that If you don't have much family or the family you have isn't very pleasant to hang out with, that you wouldn't prefer different circumstances.

I'm simply saying, regardless of whether you have historically had wonderful holiday experiences, or miserable ones, there is always hope to experience more joy, peace, and love than ever before, regardless of your current lot in life.

The question then is, If our internal emotional experience of life doesn't come from our circumstances, then where does it come from?

The answer: Thought!

We as human beings can't actually have an emotional experience of our circumstances, we can only ever feel our thinking. We don't feel our partner, our kids, our job, or our bank balance... we feel our thinking.

This is wonderful news because you don't have to wait to have different circumstances to have a different feeling on the inside.

The answer, in my experience, is not positive thinking, affirmations, meditation, re-framing, anchoring, or any other methodology or process designed to control your thoughts. We simply don't have that degree of control over which thoughts come in and which thoughts flow out of our minds. That is simply not how the system works.

The key to having a more wonderful experience of,  the Holidays, and life in general, is to deepen your understanding of the Nature of Human Experience.

Here's the best of what I have seen about how the Human Experience unfolds, and to the degree that you begin to see it for yourself, and recognize it in  your own life, your life experience will improve markedly

My invitation to you is to read this next part by looking beyond the words.  It's easy to get caught up intellectualizing the words, so I'm asking you to look to the truth behind the words.

This bit is also the follow up to last weeks article Foundations of Truth.

The Nature of Human Experience as I See It:

This is an inside-out universe.  Your experience of life is being created moment by moment, through the way that you think about it.

Thought is not the only factor though, because, you may have noticed that some thoughts we recognize as just thoughts and let them go, while others we grad hold of and make important.

So on one hand we have our thoughts and on the other hand we have our relationship to those thoughts.

We create our relationship to our thoughts through our consciousness. Our consciousness is our ability to be aware and either: bring our thoughts to life and experience them as being real and important; or we can not take them seriously, know that they are just thoughts, and go on, largely unaffected.

It's the thoughts that we grab onto, pour our energy and attention into, and make important, that have an impact on our lives. 

Perhaps we have an unpleasant thought about our boss or family member and then say to ourselves, 'yeah that's right, they shouldn't have done that to me'; or 'how dare they speak to ME like that!' . And often when we forget these are just thoughts we feel compelled to act and speak OUR MIND; that's when we get into trouble and create circumstances in the world that are not what we would prefer.

There is also a third element to human experience in addition to thought and consciousness which I often refer to as Mind. Insert whatever word has meaning for you.... Some people refer to it as God, or Spirit, essence, or the unconditioned self. My mentor Michael Neill talks about it as the Energy and Intelligence behind life.

Just to be clear, the MIND is not the Brain. The Brain is physical, and the Mind is spiritual.

This Mind may sounds mystical to you, however think about the very fact that you are alive!  What is that animating energy behind life? I don't claim to know exactly what it is or how it works, but I can describe to you what I see as somebody who has been looking in that direction for a while now.

This Mind or Spirit is pure love and joy.  We are made of Love. Babies when they aren't experiencing physical discomfort tend to be just joyful. It's that part of you that existed before you were ever born and it will continue on after your physical body has stopped working. Mind is that oneness which unites all life. It is our essence that is untouched by all of the drama of our physical lives. It's who we are with nothing in particular on our minds.

This MIND is the source of our innate mental health.  Now, what do I mean by that? Well consider your body is designed to heal itself. It has a built in immune system. If you don't interfere with the healing process, you don't have to consciously heal your wounds, it is natural.

It's similar with our minds.  If left alone, our thoughts will tend toward health and well-being, joy and peace, love and wisdom. There is a tendency toward mental well-being because that is who we really are. The difference between our mind and body is that our body seems to have a waiting period for healing and it ultimately has an expiration date.  Your mental health changes the second you have a new thought  and never expires.

To sum up:  We all think... that's pretty clear. We all believe in and make certain thoughts appear real while disregarding others.  To the extent you mistake your thinking for being real, you will temporarily suffer.  Because while we do have innate mental and spiritual health, we can absolutely think our way into a miserable experience.  It will always pass eventually and we will return to our innate joy and peace if we let it.

You absolutely can spend your whole life thinking yourself away from your innate well-being and never notice that it's there.  Though, from time to time, you will forget to ruminate on your miserable thinking, or you will get distracted, and there will be your well-being waiting for you.  It never actually goes anywhere, which is extraordinarily comforting to know.

You can never do any permanent damage to your essential self. You can simply think unpleasant thoughts for a while and feel unpleasant emotions. You will always return to yourself.  Deepening your Understanding of the nature of thought, mind and consciousness seems to expedite the process.

Another way to put it is, up until this point, your main problem has been the completely innocent, Mis-understanding of the source of your experience of life and how the Mind works.

Consider a snow globe. Your thoughts are the snowflakes and your Mind(innate joy and love) is the water. If you are in the habit of shaking up the snow globe, your strategy for clearing the water has likely been to just shake it harder.  You forgot that the nature of water is clear and that all you have to do is leave it alone and the snow flakes will settle out of the water because the NATURE of water is clear.  Similarly, the nature of your mind is peace and love.

The less you do to stir up your thoughts and take them seriously, the more love you tend to experience. You will also forgive more easily and experience a much greater level of compassion for your fellow human beings You will understand the source of people's actions, knowing they are simply taking their thinking seriously.

Imagine you have your compilation of thoughts, beliefs, judgments  values, memories, ideas of right and wrong, ideas of should and shouldn't, and your self image. All of these are simply made up of thought.

Now imagine that your relationship to that collection of thoughts is that they are real, important, permanent, and factual. You are going to act on most of your thoughts which will lead to a very unpleasant experience of life. We all have impulsive, even violent thoughts from time to time, however it's these people who think they are important and meaningful that are going to act on them. They are the people who hurt others and end up in prison.

These people aren't bad, they just have an innocent mis-understanding of the nature of thought, and gotten really caught up in some miserable thinking. They still have the same divine unalterable essence that you and I do.

Consider a less extreme example where you have an argument with your spouse and you feel bad.  If you misunderstand your bad feeling as coming from them, you are going to try and change them so that you feel better, right? Well, we all know how it goes when we try to change another person, right? Badly! If you think your bad feeling is anything to do with them, you are going to struggle and suffer.

On the flip side, imagine that your relationship to that compilation of thoughts is that they are all illusory, made up by you, and largely unimportant.  You also understand that you can only ever have an emotional experience of your thoughts, not your circumstances. Finally you know that who you really are is untouchable by life and your very nature is love and joy.  Your emotional experience of life is going to be very gentle, is it not?

When you get sad, you will recognize that it's just thought and that it will pass because that is how thought works when we don't interfere with the system. When you feel depressed, you can rest easy knowing that it will pass and it's just thought. And when you feel joy, you can just enjoy the feelings of joy, knowing that that's who you really are and you don't have to do anything to maintain it.

Which experience would you choose?

If you can begin to understand how our minds really work, your experience of life will get really wonderful, really quick!

Have a wonderful Holiday Season!

Until Next Time, remember, your most fundamental nature is LOVE!

Coach Ty

P.S. Remember to check out my new Audio Recording Transformation From The Inside Out for FREE by recommending me on Facebook or Twitter. Click Here to learn more.

Also, watch my 2 New Free Videos on Transformative Coaching and Eliminating Stress!

Right now, through December, I have a SMOKIN' deal on my 1 on 1 Coaching for over 60% off of my normal rate. That's only $50 per session and I usually charge $150. Contact me to learn more!

Foundations of Truth

Right now, through December, I have a SMOKIN' deal on my 1 on 1 Coaching for over 65% off of my normal rate. That's only $50 per session and I usually charge $150. Contact me to learn more! 

Receive my new Audio Recording Transformation From The Inside Out for FREE by recommending me on Facebook or Twitter. Click Here to learn more.

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"As people go the way of life, many people stumble upon great truth! Unfortunately, most simply pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and hurry along as if nothing happened" 

- Winston Churchill

Life as a human being is a wild and wonderful ride. We can be basking in the glory of success in one moment, and dashed on the rocks in the next.  One of the questions I've begun to ask myself and my clients is, what is it that allows us to weather the storms of circumstance that inevitably come as we go the way of life? 

How is it that most of us seem to be tossed around and battered by our personal storms, and a few people, seem to stand as beacons of light, brilliantly bright, and largely unaffected by whatever life throws at them? 

You know the ones I'm talking about. Those people, who, no matter what seems to be going on in their lives just don't seem to be overly concerned. They still experience sadness and grief and fear, but they seem to stand in certainty of the impermanence of it all; often times, the gravest of "circumstances" eliciting little more than a shoulder shrug.

These are the Syd Banks', Byron Katies', and Victor Frankle's of the world.

Who are these people? Are they special? Do they have something in them that nobody else does? Are they creatures from another planet?

It turns out, these are regular people, just like you and me. They come from all walks of life and all professions.  The form doesn't matter.  They all have one thing in common however, which is that they are all great purveyors of TRUTH. They stand fast in the face of ever changing tides and say "This is true for everybody in all circumstances." They have an understanding about the nature of life and thought that leaves them unshakable.

Most people's emotional lives are so volatile because they have built their lives on shifting sands.  They are NOT rooted in truth.  We build our lives on top of relationships without acknowledging that the form of relationships will always change.  We build our lives on top of jobs and professions, but sooner or later, the form of that Job will change. Many people try to build on top of wealth, not realizing that even millions of dollars can be taken away in any moment. We also build our lives on top of the physical health of our bodies, in denial of the fact that these same bodies will stop working some day.

None of these FOUNDATIONS are centered in truth, and so as long as our grounding lies in these impermanent circumstances, our emotional lives that we've worked so hard to fortify, will eventually come crashing down.

Once you have truly seen this, then the natural inclination is to ask the question, "how do I lay an unshakable foundation?  A foundation of Truth like those spiritual leaders of the past and present?" 

Well, let me preface by saying that my Foundation has gotten much sturdier over time, and... I still get rocked every once in a while. Given that, I'll share with you the best strategy I know to begin to center your life in Truths that will give you comfort in the midst of the nastiest of storms

The strategy is simple: Begin to look in the direction of theTruth about life and human experience.

As the Winston Churchill quote at the beginning would suggest, you can stumble upon truth from time to time, which seems to be the case for some of the 'purveyors of truth' I mentioned earlier.  However, you might miss the truth if you aren't looking for it.  So, you can absolutely begin to build the foundation by looking in the direction of what's true. 

Now, as you engage in this inquiry into what's true about life and the human experience, the Truth's that seem to lead to the strongest foundations, are truths about the infinite and the formless. Look to the source of all human experience. Look to the source of your well-being.

Syd Banks once said "If you can discover one spiritual Fact, it will transform your life forever." 

I don't want to steer you too much here, because your journey toward the truth will be your own, and that's perfect. However, if you are looking to find stability in the world of the finite, the world of bodies, or the world of stuff; then your search will be in vain.

I would start with a question like, "What do I know to be True regardless of circumstances?" or "What do I know to be true for everybody about the human experience?" Live in the unknown as I talked about in last weeks article. And most importantly, have fun with it.  This is a quest that will yield answers worth building your life on. 

Be patient and gentle with yourself on this journey.  Just like the caterpillar can't rush the great transformation into a butterfly, you can't rush your seeing the truth.  You will see it when you see it.

Imagine living a life where you know without question that the essence of who you are is and always will be, untouched and unshakable by circumstances. Let me tell you, life gets really gentle, really quick.

Stay tuned for next week where I will actually share with you what I have personally seen to be true about life and the human experience. It might just be a great way to kick start your own inquiry into building a Foundation of Truth!

I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes to ponder. 

"…I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

-Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903, in Letters to a Young Poet

Until Next Week, remember, your most fundamental nature is LOVE,

Coach Ty

P.S. Remember to check out my new Audio Recording Transformation From The Inside Out for FREE by recommending me on Facebook or Twitter. Click Here to learn more.

Right now, through December, I have a SMOKIN' deal on my 1 on 1 Coaching for over 60% off of my normal rate. That's only $50 per session and I usually charge $150. Contact me to learn more!

The Value of the Unknown

Receive my new Audio Recording Transformation From The Inside Out for FREE by recommending me on Facebook or Twitter. Click Here to learn more.

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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson in A Return to Love-

I'll be the first to admit that I've experienced a whole lot of fear throughout my life. As far as I can tell, it seems to be part of the human condition here on planet earth.

One of the more potent fears for me has been admitting to my fellow human beings that I don't know something. Either I don't know what the heck I'm talking about, or I don't have a clue what they are talking about. In essence, I've been living in fear of "I Don't Know" and THE UNKNOWN in general (learn more about fear by reading my archived articles The Source of All Fear, Love vs Fear, and The Crazy Dance of Fear).

Somewhere along the line I made up a story in my head where admitting my lack of knowledge or understanding on a subject meant that I was a worthless piece of crap; and this was the worst possible perceptions anybody could have of me.  This fear was so strong that it began leaking into every area of my life experience.  I would avoid asking questions in school because if I had to ask, that of course meant I didn't know and was therefore worthless.  I would study by myself.  I didn't socialize much. I didn't work well in teams and I never collaborated if I could help it.  Asking for help was out of the question.  When people would say things to me that I didn't understand, I would pretend to know anyway. I would do just about anything to avoid appearing "stupid" in front of other people.

Now let me be clear, I didn't intentionally set out to deceive people. This was all pretty unconscious. My actions were a natural result of the fearful thoughts I had in my mind. It was innocent enough, but that didn't lessen the impact it had on my life. Such is often the case when we mistake our thoughts for being real.

I've spent so much of my life hiding this fear from others, but more importantly hiding it from myself.

A couple of months ago that all changed when I had a conversation with a wonderful transformative coach named Lisa. I suddenly got a glimpse of the impact this fear has had on my life ever since I was very young.  I instantly saw the destructiveness and more importantly the ridiculousness of it all. The whole thing was one big illusion that I had made up in my head.

I had some completely obvious but entirely new insights about this fear. The first being, who cares if don't know something? Nobody knows everything! In fact, very few people like spending time with "know-it-alls"; yet I was trying my darnedest to be one. If somebody actually thinks I am worthless, than I can simply choose to spend less time with that person.

I began to see how my conversations were shallow and un-fulfilling because I was never honest about when I was confused. My education and my work had suffered because as long as I claimed to know what I didn't, I couldn't open up to new learning and new thought. Plus, being full of crap doesn't lend itself to creating deep meaningful relationships. I finally realized that asking for help isn't bad, it's actually an extremely useful strategy in life when we get stuck.  Plus, facing life alone sucks!

For years I intellectually understood the value of embracing the unknown.  But as many of you know, it's not enough to 'sort of' get it'.  So, when I truly saw for myself that the unknown really is where possibility lives, it transformed everything.

In addition to having some insights into the nature of this specific fear, I more importantly had some insights and new thought into the nature of the mind and human experience.  These types of insights seem to lead to the most significant transformations.

I saw clearly for the first time that my fear was simply a result of fearful thinking. Not just this specific fear, but all fears. It had absolutely nothing to do with the facts of the outside world. I made it up, and I didn't make it out of something solid, I made it out of thought. We can only ever experience fear as a result of thought, not the world of form. As my mentor Michael Neill is so fond of saying, "we are living in the feeling of our thinking".

Now, when I say I made it up, I don't mean that I sat there and said to myself "okay, how can I scare the crap out of myself for decades? Ah ha! I know, I'll think these scary thoughts about people judging me and rejecting me when I admit to being confused!" It's not like that at all. I made it up in the sense that my scary thoughts are arbitrary. They are just thought, and I don't have to think those thoughts. They aren't personal, or MINE

It's quite a relief to discover our fears aren't based on anything outside of our own mind.  Because if my fears had anything to do with the world of form, than to overcome my fears, I would have to try to change something outside of me. Anybody who has played that game for very long can begin to see a couple things. The first being that it can be really hard to create circumstances exactly the way we want them. And the second is that, trying to change our circumstances doesn't actually do anything to change our emotional feelings.

Remember the old saying, wherever you go, there you are? Well I think that's accurate, and I would add to it slightly by saying: Wherever you go you will still feel your thinking.

Now, that can sound like a problem if you don't understand the thought feeling connection. The bad news is we can't get away from our unpleasant emotions by physically changing our location or our circumstances. The good news is... it doesn't matter; we have an infinite potential for new thought in any moment.  All we have to do is not try to over steer our thinking.

One of my favorite metaphors for this sensation I got from Michael Neill, and it is that of a power boat.  If you've ever driven one, you know that the steering consoles have a self straightening mechanism. So if you are turning and you want to go straight, you don't have to turn it back, you simply release your death grip on the steering wheel and it will return to center.

Similarly, most of us have spent our lives with a death grip on our thinking; never realizing that if we just loosen our grip, our minds would open up to that self correcting mechanism of the mind that allows a constant stream of wisdom and new thought to flow to us.

So, when it came to my fear of the unknown, I had so convinced myself that my fear was justified, that I never really saw the truth that the whole thing was being generated from the inside out.

What happened in the transformative coaching conversation I had was I simply stopped clinging to what I thought I knew about my fear of the unknown.  That created just enough space for new thought and insights to come flowing in.

The beauty of the whole thing is that I started changing my behavior naturally as a result of seeing the truth.

I'd tried for years to change my behavior without having any new thinking about this fear.  It was effortful and a struggle, and more importantly it didn't work.  The second I had new thought about it and the nature of fear itself, I started acting differently.

The reason this can happen is because human behavior is an effect of human thought over time. My new thoughts and insights about living in the unknown allowed me to effortlessly change what I was doing. I have begun openly communicating when i don't understand something. I have begun asking more questions and getting curious instead of scared. I am much more honest with others as well as myself. I'm connecting more deeply with others, and am able to make a bigger difference in people's lives.

Our thoughts about the unknown will create our experience of it, and my experience has shifted from fear to freedom. It creates a space for new creation and new thought.  I'm free to ask questions of other people, of myself, and of my source.  It's finally okay for me to not know. It's okay that I don't always know exactly how I'm going to help my clients. I have no clue where my next client will come from.  It's okay that I don't know how my relationships will unfold.  It's okay that I don't know the true meaning of life.

Not knowing allows us to stay in the conversation long enough to receive valuable wisdom from our spiritual mind.

Let me insert one caveat before I come to a close. It's important to realize that just because the unknown can be valuable, that does not mean we have to pretend that we don't know. If our thinking is clear and useful than go with that. Don't let my description of the unknown become a behavioral prescription.   

We really do have an infinite potential for new thought thought!  This means that regardless of how much we think we already know, our level of understanding can always deepen if we allow it.

Until next time, Live Life from your Love and Light!
Coach Ty

P.S. Remember to check out my new Audio Recording Transformation From The Inside Out for FREE by recommending me on Facebook or Twitter. Click Here to learn more.

Also Starting in November I have a SMOKIN' deal on my 1 on 1 Coaching for over 60% off of my normal rate. That's only $50 per session and I usually charge $150. Contact me to learn more!

Exchanging Value for Money

"Life begets life; energy begets energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich."

-attributed to Sarah Bernhardt

Let's talk about money, shall we?

I bet that you are one of those people who would like to have more money in your life and less fear and stress, would you not?  I know...  it's a pretty safe bet on my part. 


Obviously desire alone is not enough to create the kind of money we want in our lives, otherwise we'd all have it.  Interestingly enough, one of the problems people encounter when they set out to make more money is actually asking themselves some variation of the question... "How can I make more money?"

Now, you may read that and think... "Huh...what's wrong with that question?" Well, the problem with it is that when we ask ourselves how we can make more money, we've ignored what money is actually being exchanged for. I know it sounds strange, but if you want to create money, don't focus on money so much.

In the spirit of the Summer Olympics; focusing on just making money, is a lot like focusing exclusively on winning a gold medal, without actually understanding that you have to pick a sport, and put in thousands of hours of training and conditioning. Now, you might get there, but the odds aren't in your favor without understanding that a gold medal is exchanged for a world class athletic performance.


So what is money exchanged for? Well, on a purely superficial level, people exchange money for millions of different ideas, goods and services. Even if you have a traditional job where you go work for somebody else, your employer is exchanging money(your sallary) for your services. 


Given that there is so many different things that we exchange money for, the real question is what is the underlying factor?  What is the common denominator between all of these goods and services?

The answer is VALUE; and I think of value as the ability to make a positive difference. If something makes no difference than it doesn't really have much value.  Now putting aside things like theft, the only reason anyone will give you money for any goods or services, is because someway, somehow, that person thinks they will get value from those goods or services.


Now, before I introduce you to the value formula, let me first make a couple distinctions.

The first is the distinction between value and perceived value.  The value that we create in the market place is completely subjective.  This means that all of the value that is exchanged for goods and services is made up; it's all in our heads. There is no "Real Value" when it comes to exchanging goods and services. Now that being said, that doesn't mean we don't still have the experience of value; which is still... well... valuable ;-).


Take for example, a service like a massage. Somebody who really loves massages is going to value them and pay money for them.  On the other hand, somebody who hates having a strangers hands all over their body isn't going to consider massages valuable.  


No goods or services are inherently valuable, they can only have perceived value to individuals. This is why really good advertising works.  An advertisers' main goal is to convince you that the good or service they are promoting is extremely valuable in your life and worth paying for. If they can get you to believe that you can't live without it, then you are likely going to spend the money.


The second distinction I want to make is between your innate value as a human being, and the value you create for others in the marketplace. 


To the extent you get mixed up and believe that your marketplace value is the same as your value and worth as a person, you are going to struggle.  This tends to be particularly relevant for individuals who have very personal services like coaches, therapists, healers, etc. 


Your value as a human being is innate.  There is nothing you can do to diminish this value, and there is nothing you can do to increase it. One of my favorite definitions I've heard for the unconditional love of God is: There is nothing you can do to make God love you any more, and there is nothing you can do to make God love you any less (If you don't like the word "God", than replace it with what works for you... spirit, higher-self, mind, the universe, etc).


I challenge you to go into the hospital ward where all of the babies are, and tell me which babies are worth more than the others. Which ones are more valuable?  Now, besides mothers being very biased with their own children, nobody I've ever met has been able to actually sensibly answer that question. This is because on some level, most people know that we're all connected, and at our most fundamental level we are valuable. Your essence, your innate value is never at stake, regardless of how many times somebody tells you they don't want to pay for your services.

Your value in the marketplace is simply that perceived value that you create for other people with whatever goods or services you provide. It's essentially the positive difference you make.

At this point you may be saying, yeah yeah yeah, but how do I make more money?  Well like I said, you make more money by exchanging it for value.  So, let's take a look at how to actually create more value for people in the marketplace. It turns out that there are 3 important variables to focus on. These will give you an idea of your money making potential, as well as point out some areas for you to work on with your goods and services.

Here's the value formula that I learned from super coach Michael Neill:

Scale  +   Magnitute(Scope)  +  Uniqueness   =   Value

Let's take them one at a time.

Scale is essentially, how many people on the planet you are reaching with your goods or services. This is one of the factors that determines why public speakers, as well as TV and Movie Personalities have the potential to make so much money. They very simply create value for millions of people. That however doesn't mean they make a big difference for each person, which leads me to the next variable.


Magnitude or scope is the element representing how big of a difference you make in peoples lives.  Are you transforming the lives of everybody you come into contact with, or do people not even notice the service you provide.  Take somebody like a medical doctor who is literally saving lives day in and day out; or perhaps a transformative coach who supports people to live extraordinary lives. They are creating huge value for their patients and clients, therefore it tends to be worth more to people.


The third variable is uniqueness. This one is pretty straight forward. How many people in the world provide the value that you provide? If somebody wants what you have on offer, can they just go to the next guy down the street and get the same thing, or are you the only one? The more unique the value, the more people are going to be willing to pay to get it.  The goal here is to make yourself the scarce resource, and have money be the common one.  Always remember, there are trillions of dollars on the planet, but there is only one you.


When you look at all of these variables together, you might notice that none of these variables on their own is enough to be successful at creating more money.  For intstance, if you create huge value(magnitude) for people, but you aren't ever actually in contact with anybody(scale), than no money.  If you are extremely unique, but you aren't actually making a big difference for people, than people aren't gonig to pay you much.  And even if you can reach millions of people, but you aren't unique and you don't make a difference, than good luck trying to charge for it.

We've got to have all of these variables working for us in one way or another.


Here's how to put this to use in your own life. First go ahead and rank yourself in each of the three value variables on a scale from one to 10.  Next, pick an area that you are weak in and work on bringing it up a number or two.

The category I recommend working on first is magnitude or scope.  If you can make a huge difference for people, often times you'll find the other variables increase without much extra effort. 


The brilliant coach Steve Chandler calls this 'Lazerus Marketing'. He says "all you have to do is bring one person back from the dead, and they'll talk about you forever." In other words when you learn to make a massive difference in people's lives, that becomes your marketing. If you keep reaching out and making that difference wherever you see a need for it, then people will likely spread the word.


If you find yourself scoring very high, like a 9 or 10 on the magnitude scale, then you can focus in on the other variables.  Get in touch with what only you provide for people and cultivate that.


As far as scope is concerned, there are so many ways to create value for more people than you currently are.  You can write, or speak, or just start having conversations with people at the bus stop; whatever it takes. Find what works for you and the value that you want to create for others.


Now, because market place value is subjective, you are going to need to be able to communicate that value to others.  I'll save this topic for another time, however suffice it to say, the best way to communicate the difference you make, is to actually make the difference. Don't try to convince people to give it a try, actually show people; demonstate. 


Steve Chandler talks about the idea that you never want somebody to make the choice of whether or not to work with you.  You want them to make the decision to continue working with you.


One last tip. You might want to actually ask people to hire you, or buy your goods.  If you don't actually make that request, 9 times out of 10, people won't hire you, even if they see the value.  Believe me, I know.  This one I'll be continuing to work on, right along with you. I've never had anyone hire me without me asking them if they would like to hire me. (To learn more read my article titled Clean Requests, and look for an upcoming audio recording on this subject)


If you're not quite sure what value you create for the world, or what kind of difference you'd like to make, then I'll leave you with this question to ponder that I learned from Michael Neill:

What's the difference I'd love to make, that people would love to give me money for?

Until Next Time, Love and Light
Coach Ty

P.S. If you get VALUE from my work, then you may enjoy my new Audio Recording called Transformation from the Inside Out.

Forgiveness from the Inside-Out

SPECIAL COACHING OFFER: 3 MONTHS FREE COACHING WITH 6 MONTH CONTRACT. $1,650.00 of Free Coaching. If you sign up for 6 months of Transformative Coaching with me by August 24th, you'll only pay for 3 of those months. 50% OFF.  A $3,300.00 VALUE, for ONLY $1,650.00.  Contact my office at 503-389-3778, or CoachTylerThurman@gmail.com to sign-up and learn more.

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"Holding a resentment(unforgiveness) is like drinking poison, and hoping the other person will die."

-12 Step Movement

As I continue to challenge myself to look deeper into my true nature, and that of my fellow human beings, I keep running into this idea of forgiveness.  It's everywhere.  It comes up in discussions of love, inner peace, outer peace, well-being, conflict resolution, spirituality, religion, trauma-relief, victimization and the list goes on. This gives you a an idea of the relevance and importance of forgiveness.

Before I dive into what forgiveness is, why it's useful, and how to practice it... I first want to make a request.  My request is that you open up your mind to a  new way of thinking about forgiveness.  Often when we hear words that are commonly used like 'forgiveness,' or 'respect,' or 'love,' we assume everyone who uses that word means the exact same thing as we do. The reality is, that there is about as many different meanings for forgiveness as there are people on the planet. Therefore, I'm asking you not to assume we mean the same thing. Especially since the predominate view of forgiveness in western culture is much different than the one I'm about to share.

A simple, commonly understood definition of forgiveness is: giving up the feeling of resentment. Now, I can agree with that, however it's worth looking a little closer at that statement. To most people this means somebody did or said something hurtful to them, which causes them to feel resentment. They are then, of course, justified in their resentment becaue "that person really hurt me". But now in the name of repairing the relationship, they decide to "forgive". This is usually done by trying to ignore what happened, or make what was done to them okay.

It is from this place that people try to give up the feeling of resentment.  We are essentially letting the perpetrator off of the hook. This version of forgiveness is almost always seen as doing the other person a favor. We also use resentment as a weapon in an attempt to make the other person suffer as we have, very much like paying pennance. Sound familiar?

Now the problem with forgiving somebody who has "wronged" us, is that we try to let go of the resentment without addressing the source of resentment. In an outside-in world, we think the cause of the resentment is the actions of the other person, and sometimes just the other person. After all, they did this terrible thing to me... right? It's their fault I feel scared, or sad, or hurt, or angry.

Instead of addressing the true source of resentment, most people, and understandably so, attempt to control other people's behaviors because they think that's where there unpleasant feelings are coming from.

We say things like "If I could just get this person to behave, or act in the ways I deem okay, then I could forgive them.  This is extremely difficult, firstly because you may have noticed controlling other people is very difficult; and secondly, it doesn't actually help you to let go of resentment... although many of us have gotten really good at barrying it for a while.

Those of you who are familiar with the Inside-Out nature of my work, know that that's not how the world actually works.  Our emotional experience of life comes from our perceptions, which is a fancy word for thoughts.  This is why people struggle so much to forgive; they try to drop the feeling without addressing the source of that feeling.

In the context of forgiveness, this means that to actually forgive we must give up the source of resentment, which is the perception of "wrong doing." In other words, true forgiveness is actually a shift in perception. As long as you continue to perceive someone as having done something hurtful or mean-spirited, it is actually impossible to fully forgive them. It requires seeing them in a whole new light. No longer an attacker, but a fellow traveler on the road of life.

I realize this will be a huge paradigm shift for most of you, because in essence I'm asking you to consider that the only way to forgive is to give up the idea that somebody has emotionally hurt you.  I'd even take it one step further and ask that you give up the idea that somebody even has the capacity to emotionally hurt you.

If your hurt feelings are coming from your own thoughts about the other person, then they can't actually inflict emotional pain on you.  Always look to the source, and in this case the source is our own thoughts of being attacked, or wronged.

Yes, these are big requests, so don't worry about getting them all right away. In fact, expect to experience plenty of resistance to giving up resentments. Most people would rather point the finger outside themselves than admit that such horrible feelings and judgements are actually coming from them.  We don't want the responsibility.  We are addicted to being victims. We are addicted to feeling righteous resentment.

If you want to really learn to forgive, you're going to have to let go and look within. You won't find the answers you are looking for "out there."  This is a journey of self-discovery, which takes this conversation from one of psychology to spirituality.

Those of you who know me and are familiar with my work, will also know that I am a student of the spiritual text A Course In Miracles.  One of the central themes of the course is to teach the very kind of forgiveness I have just described, but the Course takes it even further than I have.

A Course In Miracles not only asks us to give up being a victim and seeing the other person as an attacker, but to consider that our most fundamental nature is love.  We are pure spiritual beings that can't actually be tarnished in any way, shape or form.  We have simply fallen asleep to who we really are. There is a line in the course that says, "You are at home in God, dreaming of exile."

Now just pretend for a moment that this is true. We aren't who we think we are. We aren't these bodies with ego personalities, like we've been brought up to believe. Each and every one of us are beautiful, unconditionally loving, spiritual beings, that can't be harmed by worldly dramas. Just like in a dream, even a really scary one, you eventually will wake and see it was just your mind playing tricks on you. I invite you to consider that this fear based dream of ourselves is much less solid than the whisps of a cloud, or the mists from the sea.

When you have truly forgiven someone in this way, you will still be aware of the behavior of the other person, but you will simultaneously recognize the truth of who they are, and the truth of who you are. The Course suggests that forgiveness is literally seeing that there was no attack or betrayal of any kind, because the human spirit can't actually be attacked.

The idea that you were or ever could be attacked is referred to as false perception. It is through this realization that you begin to see your spiritual brothers and sisters for who they really are. When you succeed in doing this, the resentment and the feelings of attack vanish, along with your false perception of them. As your perception shifts, so will your emotional experience. It wont be easy because of how strongly we believe that we can be attacked, so stick with it. Know that it's called the practice of forgiveness for a reason.

The course also asks us to consider that any form of perceived attack is nothing more than a call for love.  This person has forgotten who they really are, and are in pain. Therefore the only appropriate response to somebody who is hurting inside, is to see them for who they really are, and offer love. This is a very specific shift in perception that is extremely valuable for helping us learn to forgive.

Please understand, in the outside world of form, this does not mean that if somebody is physically attacking you, that you should stay there and take it, because, "they know not what they do."  Forgiveness is something that takes place completely at the level of the mind, and unless you are a master, it is going to be much easier for you to practice when you are in a place of physical safety.

Keep in mind however, that according to the Course, even your physical attacker is in pain and by lashing out is actually asking for love. They are every bit the spiritual being that you are, and they likely need your help to see it.  As I always tell my clients, you can simply love them from a distance if need be.  Attack always leads to more attack. Love and forgiveness are the only things that can break this cycle.

The next question of course is why should we forgive?  Well, it's much easier to answer this question within this new idea of forgiveness than it was with the old one. It turns out it's a no brainer

The first reason is, Forgiveness is a gift. It's not only a tremendous gift to give somebody else, because you are holding them in the highest possible light, and therefore reminding them of their divinity; but it is also a gift to yourself. 

The world is like a big mirror, so the more we see the divinity in others, the more we see it in ourselves.  As you practice the Courses' version of forgiveness you will be affirming that you are not a victim but a being of light and love that is actually untouched by the troubles of the world. Your fragile ego is always getting hurt, and attacked, and broken, but that's not who you really are.

Psychologists, readily acknowledge forgiveness as a tool for clearing out years of bitterness and anger that have been poisoning our minds and bodies.  In fact there is a growing body of evidence suggesting that those who learn to forgive have fewer health problems and lower incidence of the most serious illnesses. 

People who have forgiveness training are also reported to experience more connection, inner peace, and joy in their lives. Not to mention significant improvement in the health of their most important relationships.

To put a cherry on top and really increase the rewards, the Course says that forgiveness is actually the gateway to waking up to our spiritual Selves. Everytime we see other people's behaviors as a call for love instead of an attack, we take one step closer to remembering our own divinity. We begin to wake up from the dream of our own miserable thinking.  For many spiritual seekers, this is the highest goal possible.

Now, I don't know these to be spiritual truths... but what if they were? What can it hurt by believing in the goodness of others and practicing a new radical form of forgiveness?

Worst case, you get really good at seeing your fellow human beings through the eyes of love. You will start treating others with more compassion, love, and kindness; adding to the overall well-being of the planet.

Best case, you get to gradually wake up to the divine nature that connects us all.

Just remember, if nothing else, forgiveness is a gift to yourself and others, and holding resentment is like drinking poison.

The last piece of this equation is to ask, How do we actually forgive once we've decided it's worth it?  Well, I'll give you some of the basics here, but if you are committed to truly making your life about forgiveness, than I highly reccomend you check out A Course In Miracles published by the Foundation For Inner Peace.

The Practice of Forgiveness:

1. Think of somebody who you feel resentful toward: You might start with a small resentment if you are new at this.
2. Identify the False Perception: This is basically an opportunity to air your grievances. You've got to get really honest with yourself about the judgements you are holding on the person that you would like to forgive.  You will know that if you are resenting them, or feeling hurt by them, that you have judged them as an attacker.  It will do no good to hide behind false pretenses of love and kindness, or  argue that "I'm not the kind of person who has resentments," when, underneath it all, you are actually feeling upset. This will simply delay the process.  Look for and identify in your own mind the perception you have of this person. Ask yourself, "How am I perceiving this person that has me feeling this way?" 
3. Remember that your emotional pain can only come from your perceptions of the other person: When I know that I'm actually only resentful because of my own thoughts, then I am automatically acknowledging that the other person did nothing to make me feel this way.  I was simply projecting my thoughts and feelings of pain onto this other person. You are not a victim.
4. See the divinity in the other person: Get connected to this other persons divinity as best you can. This is a practice that gets easier with time. Sometimes it helps to imagine that the true nature of people has nothing to do with their actions. For you, it might help to repeat and dwell on words that carry the new perception, such as an affirmation. Example, "We are all beings of perfect love and light."
5. Ask for a new Perception: This is essentially the same as step 4 except it's more general. This is if identifying someone elses spiritual nature doesn't work for you. I like to ask my own innate wisdom for a new way to see situations that I perceive as hurtful.  Be patient and continue looking in the direction of a new perception. If the resentment remains than you haven't truly seen the other person in a new light. Ask yourself, "How might I see this person through the eyes of love?"
6. Enjoy the paradigm shift.  If you've done the first five steps, then all that's left is to wait for a shift in perception... If you commit to learning how to really forgive like this, it will transform your life as well as many others.

Until next time, bask in the love and the light of your being.
Coach Ty

The Skydivers' Guide To Reality

"Do the thing and you shall have the power."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

A few years back, I had the terrifying and wonderful opportunity to go skydiving.  It was my brothers birthday, and I had just graduated from university, and so we needed a way to celebrate.  My brother suggested skydiving, and he even convinced our parents to do it with us.  Now, skydiving had never been on my list of things I "needed" to experience before I die. In fact, I thought the act had the potential to actually shorten my opportunity to fulfill on the rest of that list.  But, with a little nudging from my brother, and the knowledge that my parents were going to participate, I readily agreed. Needless to say, it was one of our more exhilarating family outings.

The whole preparation was pretty straight forward.  We signed a huge packet full of waivers that basically said if we die it wasn't the skydiving company's fault.  Then we sat through a 10 minute class on jumping technique and next thing we knew it, we were in our one piece jump suits strapped to our tandem partners on a tiny plane headed for 13,000ft.

I was pretty calm until we got to jumping altitude. Although, I did have a momentary thought about how ironic it was that I had probably never been safer in an airplane given that I was strapped to a parachute and another highly experienced jumper.  Never the less, I started getting some nerves as I scooted to the edge of the plane.  My brother went first, and I was directly after him.  I hooked my legs outside the door of the plane, and in that split second before leaning out, the fear hit me.

I didn't realize it at the time, because I didn't have a very strong understanding of how the mind works, but my fear was not coming from the actual jump.  My fear was being generated 100% from inside me. In my mind I was thinking about all the things that could go wrong with the jump; all ending with me becoming a pancake on the ground below. If I couldn't have thought those thoughts, I wouldn't have experienced fear.

But, regardless of the fear, I made the decision to not take my thoughts in that moment very seriously. And just like that, I plunged out of that perfectly good airplane.

In the initial seconds of the fall, I struggled to breathe. Then of course I realized I was past the point of no return, and the only thing left to do was let go and relax.  The moment I stopped struggling, my breathing came back to me, and I got to experience the thrill ride of a 60 second free fall.

Our parachute opened without a hitch and we sailed our last few thousand feet down, taking in a breathtaking view of the Oregon countryside.  It was all over in less than 10 minutes, but it felt like hours.

So, what's the point of this all?  Well,  in the years since that skydive, I've gone about doing plenty of things I've been afraid to do, and I've realized that each one is like going skydiving all over again; just without the one piece jump suit and the tremendous amount of wind.  It doesn't matter if its making a bold request of a potential client, having a difficult conversation with a friend, or jumping out of a plane; I noticed for me it's pretty much the exact same internal experience.  I think that's how I was able to get myself to jump out of that plane in the first place... it wasn't all together unfamiliar.

Here's an example; the other day I went to go make a call and I noticed I was feeling some pretty strong fear.  I realized my mind had generated some scary thoughts about how the conversation could go poorly with a string of worst case scenarios.  I decided not to take my thinking very seriously and make the call anyway.  Initially, for the first few seconds as I heard the phone ring and the person on the other end answered, I struggled to get the words out.

At that point I realized, well, I'm on the phone already, there's no going back now, so I might as well calm down and say what I want to say.  My body relaxed, my breathing calmed down, and my words began to flow more naturally.  The conversation ended up being completely fine, and it turns out my scary thoughts had been completely fictional, as they so often are.

Just like jumping out of that airplane, once I was on the phone, it was easy.  Once I decided to not buy into my insecure thinking in the moment, I was able to take the action, and then my training and skills as a coach took over from there.

Whenever we do something new and outside our comfort zone, our minds are liable to generate some scary thoughts. If we know that ahead of time we can expect to feel some fear.  When we know it's all part of the process of taking some unfamiliar action that seems big or important or potentially dangerous inside our minds, then that no longer has to be something that stops us. We can move forward with a little bit of fear, knowing that it will always pass and give way to some new thinking... if we let it.

Coaching Exercise of the Week.

Let's get practical, shall we? I'd like to invite you to take a look at your own life.  

1. Pick something that you have done in your past that you were afraid to do.  Likely this was something that you were afraid to do ahead of time, but once you were actually doing it, it wasn't so bad... perhaps even fun.  Somehow you decided that your scary thoughts weren't worth taking seriously, and you took the action in spite of them.  
2. Now, look to the future.  Choose one of the things that you are afraid to do, yet you have a sneaky suspicion would move you in the direction of creating something you want in your life.  It could be anything, a phone call, a challenging conversation with your partner, asking for a raise, or asking that cute guy/girl out on a date. Notice the fear comes up while thinking about it, which means the fear is coming from your thinking, not the action itself.
3. Next, imagine that taking that action, is just like 'skydiving', or whatever your past version of not taking your thoughts seriously and trusting in your own wisdom is. Expect to feel a little fear right before you do it as your mind will likely be generating made up scary scenarios.  Imagine noticing that fear, but not paying particularly close attention to it, because it's just thought after all!
4. Then, actually take the scary action! 
5. Finally, Relax and enjoy the ride.  If it goes well, great.  If it goes poorly, you will handle it as best you can.  It's much easier to solve those real problems, than the illusory ones we make up in our heads.

Until Next time, Love and Light...

Coach Ty

The Myth of Self-Esteem

“The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth – persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.”

- John F. Kennedy - 

If I were to tell you that in order to succeed in life you need to have high self-esteem; 99.99% of you would nod vigorously and agree with me.  Many people have been conditioned to believe that self-esteem is the magic bullet and will solve all of our problems.  Well, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that, in fact, I'm going to be the .01% of people to question this cultural myth.

First, let's look at what self-esteem is.  From a neuro-linguistics perspective, the phrase self-esteem is known as a nominalization; meaning it's a process that we talk about as if it were a noun.  We know this because you can't fill up a wheelbarrow with self-esteem.  In other words it's not a thing that you can just get more of, or go buy at your local grocery store.  So, right off the bat, we know that it's not quite as solid as it is typically thought to be.  It's also used synonymously with other terms like self-image, self-worth, and even confidence, which are really just states of being.  In the most basic sense, self-esteem is a secure and good feeling experienced about our-self.

So, is it true we need to feel better about ourselves in order to have a more wonderful life? Of course.  Creating results however is a different bag entirely.  When most people say they need more self-esteem or more confidence so that they can be more successful... what they usually mean is that they need more competence or a higher level of skill in order to create some result in the world. You'll often hear people complain that they don't feel good about their skill level when they are first learning something... well, why would you if you're not very good?

One of my mentors Michael Neill tells a story about how his son came to him after trying little league baseball and he said 'dad I'm not very good so I want to quit'.  Michael instead of trying to pump his son up with self esteem and a false sense of confidence, told him that he was right, he wasn't very good.  He then posed a much more important question which was, are you interested in getting good?  His son's eyes lit up because he had never considered the possibility that being good at a sport like baseball was simply a matter of practice and skill.

In essence, the missing piece is more often than not competence than confidence.  And if you want to get good at something or master a skill, you almost certainly need to practice.  In Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliars, he discusses Daniel Levitin's research about how it takes on average 10,000 hours to master any skill.  Mastery meaning you are among the top experts in the world at that particular thing.  Now, not all practice is created equal, however if you want to get good, there will always be some element of putting in the time and energy.

As you go about practicing and developing a higher degree of skill, a natural confidence will emerge almost without you realizing it.  It's not some superficial, chest puffed up, superior experience that most people seem to be looking for when they talk about confidence and self-esteem.  There is a sense of ease and grace to that kind of confidence that only comes with many hours of practice.  That doesn't by the way mean that you get bonus points for feeling bad about yourself and beating yourself up along the way.

So far we've looked mostly at the esteem portion of self-esteem.  But, to really understand it at a deeper level, we've got to take a look at the concept of self.  The "self" most people are referring to is actually their character, or conditioned self.  This is the self that we've been honing and conditioning through our experience of life. One of my favorite coaches Steve Chandler calls it "The Story of You" because it's the us that has been made up throughout our lives.  For instance when somebody asks us what our story is,  we will often respond by referencing our past and current activities and circumstances.  According to the book, A Course In Miracles this is the ego mind, which is a thought system completely born of fear and insecurity.

To understand the ego better, imagine you are stuck in a dream and everybody in the dream including you has forgotten who they really are.  In this dream, each person has been conditioned to believe 100% that they are all worthless pieces of crap.  And because nobody wants to present their crap to the rest of the world, everyone has fashioned masks to wear to hide the crap.  Some are very elaborate and decorated with gold and jewels.  Some are very bright and vibrant.  Others are very simple. There are even some scary masks.  The masks are built with anything that we are told will bolster our status and hide the crap more effectively such as sex, drugs, money, fame, and power.  Of course if everyone knew the truth about who they really were, the masks would be completely useless.

Attempting to "work on" your self-esteem or "build" confidence is akin to creating a flashier, prettier mask to present to the world.  The problem is, it's all a facade, because most people, underneath it all, still feel like worthless pieces of crap.  Plus, people always seem to know when we are putting on a show anyway.  The conditioned self will always desire to create more and more elaborate masks,  but the problem is, it will never be enough.  That's how the ego works, it seeks but never finds. It's a vicious cycle that some people engage with their whole lives.  The character of you is simply not worth spending the time to build up because it will never be satisfied.

Here's the secret to it all... all we have to "do" is wake up and remember who we really are.  The reason you can't technique or think yourself into having higher self-esteem is because you can't find what was never lost in the first place. Who you really are, your very essence is love, joy and peace.  We've simply forgotten, that's all.  We're all walking around in a dream, believing we are worthless.  It's a myth. We are divine beings.  Ramtha calls us the forgotten Gods for a reason.  We've all got amnesia to the truth of our essence.  This higher Self needs no esteem because it's very nature is already that which we are seeking.

I don't have a technique for you to take the mask off, or wipe away the crap, but what I can tell you is the more you look in the direction of your own divinity, the more you will see it.  It will be like returning home after a long journey, or waking up from a terrible nightmare.  As you begin to show up from your true self more and more of the time, you will find yourself automatically having a more wonderful life.

When you show up as your essence and then add in the practice and skill building, you will begin to create inner and outer success like never before.

Even if you get caught up in the dream from time to time, or you forget who you are and start polishing your mask some more, you can always rest a little easier knowing that your true Self will always shine through eventually.

I'll send you off this week with one of my favorite quotes from Dr. Robert Holden, "Who you think you are can't handle the challenge you are facing, but who you really are already has."


Until Next Week, Love and Light,
Coach Ty


P.S. if you are interested in signing up for my upcoming webinar on creating work you love, send me an email at CoachTylerThurman@gmail.com or call my office at 503-389-3778.

Finding A Fulfilling Career

“Now and then, it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.”

            -Guillaume Apollinaire- 

As a transformative coach, one of the most common questions I ask clients is, 'what do you want to create in your life?'  Easily one of the most common answers is 'I want to find a more fulfilling job'.  Now 99.99% of the population will hear that and eagerly agree.  Of course that's what we're all supposed to want... right?  Well, I'm going to be the 0.01% who challenges the assumptions within the statement 'fulfilling work'.

Let's investigate this from what my mentor Michael Neill calls, the "Outside-In" approach to life; meaning what happens outside us(circumstances), causes how we feel on the inside(emotion).  In an outside-in world, it makes sense to find something outside of us that fulfills us, inspires us, and makes us happy.  Most people spend their whole lives searching for these 'magical' objects and activities.  Sometimes we even find something for a while that seems like the perfect thing, but then the feelings we seemed to get from it begin to fade... and we move on to the next job, or relationship, or object that appeals to us.  We never stop to question the assumption that the outside world can actually magically imbue us with certain feelings.   Without questioning this, most people live their whole lives searching...never quite realizing that what they were looking for was never lost in the first place.

This brings me to the Inside-Out nature of life.  When we understand that circumstances CAN'T cause feelings, our THOUGHTS cause feelings, it gives us an opportunity to pause and take a look within (To learn more please read my articles Thought vs. Circumstance and Navigating By Mood).  Now, when I say look within, let me clarify that I don't mean look inside our bodies, I mean look at the very nature of who we are.  As a culture we don't spend much time looking at who we are.  We simply go about our day to day activities, and we operate under a plethora of limiting beliefs, false assumptions, and destructive thought viruses. So, let's take a look right now.  Take a minute to close your eyes and ask yourself... who am i?  Am I this body... this meat suite, or am I more than that?

Most people have what I would describe as a deeper experience of themselves and of life.  We intuitively know we are not just these bodies.  There seems to be some kind of unifying force across all of life that we call many different things: God, Spirit, Source Energy, Universal Mind, Unconditioned Self, Essence, and Love; to name a few.  Regardless of what you call it, the more you look in the direction of your true nature and that of your thinking, the more you will see the inside-out nature of life.  When you spend your time living from this place, life get's really simple and really fun, really quick.

When we look at our jobs  and careers from an inside-out perspective, it doesn't make any sense to think about how they could fulfill us.  We know that the sense of being fulfilled comes from within.  It comes from when we live life from a place of connection, passion and love that is our very nature.  It's not something to have, or find, or do;  it's who we are!  As another one of my mentors Robert Holden says, "We are love and happiness minus our neurosis."  To put it even more simply we are love minus our miserable thinking; which is the only thing that can temporarily take us away from who we really are. Some people have just spent so long entertaining their miserable thoughts that they have forgotten their very nature.

I want to invite you to consider something new in relation to searching for work you love.  Assuming our very nature is love...consider that it could be as simple as asking yourself  "what appeals to me?" and then following that.  Keep moving in the direction of what appeals to you and soon enough people look back on your life and say "wow, what a spectacular fulfilling career." And you will simply smile, knowing that the very same energy is inside every single person, waiting to be realized.

You can thrive in any Job or activity because of who you are.  That, however, does not mean you have to stay doing what you are currently doing if you don't like it.  Ask yourself what appeals to you.  Open yourself up to explore.  Be willing to step out into the unknown.  Go interview other people, job shadow, take classes and seminars.  Spend time with people who love what they are up to in the world.  If you open yourself up in this way, sooner or later, you'll bump into something you really enjoy.  And remember that when you start to get in a hurry and thinking that 'there' will be better than 'here', know that it won't be, it'll just be different.  You can rest easy when you remember who you are and how your experience of life is being created from the inside out.

Let me finish with a saying I learned from Michael Neill, "There is nothing you need to do, be, have, or create, in order to be happy, fulfilled, and experience love".  The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can drop the exhausting search for the 'right job' and start living your wonderful life right now!

To get massively supported in creating your life from the Inside-Out, call my office today to set up a free consultation at 503-389-3778 or email me at CoachTylerThurman@gmail.com.

Until Next time, Love and Light,
Coach Ty

Beyond Optimism and Pessimism

"Out beyond all ideas of right and wrong, there is a field... I'll meet you there."

-Rumi

I have been on a journey of personal development for the last 6 or 7 years now in an attempt to fix what was broken with me.  I've actually come to understand that there is fundamentally nothing wrong with us, and the true value is in remembering who we really are. However, If you have spent any time at all in the personal development world, you'll know that one of the central distinctions is that of optimism vs. pessimism.  Optimism of course being good and pessimism being naturally bad.  Just so we are clear, optimism is essentially a positive uplifting outlook of the future, and pessimism is a negative or bleak view of the future.  In large part it has become ingrained in our culture that we're supposed to be positive at all times and at all costs. The optimists tell themselves over and over that 'I just have got to stay positive'.  Then there are the pessimists, which are self-proclaimed "realists". Unfortunately the 'reality' is that these people are just so beaten down by life that they have lost all hope for a better future, and have almost no access to possibility. This is a war that has waged far longer than I've been on the planet, and I don't care to get in the middle of it, so I'm going to take a big step outside of it.

Most people are surprised to find out that I'm actually not a big fan of optimistic or pessimistic outlooks.  I know this is blasphemous, especially for you optimists who have grown up on such classic self-help and personal development books as The Power of Positive Thinking, and Think and Grow Rich. In fact, I've actually had people get all up in arms with me about this, which speaks to the impact that the positive thinking movement has had on the western world. And if you tend towards pessimism, you likely aren't reading this kind of an article anyway because you assume I'm an optimist... but in the off chance that you've gotten this far, you've likely already accumulated plenty of evidence to support why you are right and I am wrong.  

The optimists will try to convince me that they know everything is going to turn out just fine, all the while living in denial about their declining financial position, and the continual decay or their marriage.  On the other hand, pessimists will argue with me up and down that their bleak predictions for the future are the right ones, and everything is going to end up poorly, so what's the point of even attempting to create a better life for oneself? In each case, our thoughts about the future actually get in the way of us creating it powerfully in the present moment. My invitation to both sides is to drop your swords and read on with an open mind.  You never know, you might just learn something new.

The interesting thing about both optimistic and pessimistic outlooks, is that they are both made-up stories about the future. One is a feel good story with a happy ending, and the other is a drama/horror that ends in with the worst possible outcome.  Fortunately, both are complete works of fiction.  Granted; as one of my mentors Michael Neill says, "If you are going to make up stuff, you might as well make up good stuff, right?"  I mean it feels better to think about a future going how you want it rather than going horribly wrong. However, my question is, why make stuff up?  The truth is, none of us knows for certain how the future is going to turn out, right?  Do you know the future?  I certainly don't.  It seems pretty silly to me to go about pretending to know the future to make ourselves feel better. Sometimes a storm of circumstances can hit you from all sides and present some real challenges. Other times, impossibly good things can happen even late in the game. Even with the best will and planning in the world, we just don't know.  This isn't optimistic or pessimistic, it's simply the truth.

One of the most obvious but commonly overlooked examples of this denial is death.  As far as I can tell, the death of our physical bodies is pretty much inevitable.  Not only is it inevitable, but we have no idea when it will occur.  Yet, most people spend the majority of their lives in denial of this, living their lives as if they will live forever, and their loved ones will too. Now, I'm not saying we need to live our lives with a sense of urgency, but spending some time making peace with the truth can be incredibly valuable. If you would like to explore this specific idea further, please check out my archived article titled The Source Of All Fear.

What I've discovered through working with people as a coach and change agent, as well as in my own personal explorations, is that all of these shenanigans can basically be boiled down to a fundamental fear of the unknown.  We have been trained to avoid the unknown at all costs because 'thar be dragons over there'... right?  The positive and negative outlooks are both cover-ups for our fear and insecurity of the unknown.  We've been taught that it is unacceptable to not know.  We've even designed it so that in our schools, the worst thing that can happen to us is that we don't know the answer to a question. This has created a cultural thought virus that has steered people away from hanging-out in the unknown for any significant period of time.  Sure it could be scary, but it can be equally as exciting.  The unknown is actually where possibility lives, and if we become willing to put down our stories about how we "know" it's going to go, we can finally open ourselves up to a life and a future that is anything but predictable.  A future full of wonder, possibility, and creativity.  Sure, shit still happens.  Even the brilliant theosopher Sydney Banks used to say, "Life is a contact sport". However, at the risk of sounding like an optimist... you might just find that if you let go of your story telling for a while, you'll have enough space to create a life even more wonderful than you could have imagined.

If you are interested in getting started on creating that life right away, my job and passion is to support people create wonderful lives for themselves.  Call for a complimentary transformative coaching consultation today at 503-389-3778.  Don't put your life on hold for another second.

Until next time, love and light,

Coach Ty

The Foundations of Life

“If you knew who walked beside you, on this path that you have chosen, you would never experience fear or doubt again.”

-A Course In Miracles

Imagine that everything you do with your life is equivalent to building a spectacular structure.  Each decision you make, each relationship you create, and what you do and say are all alterations and additions to the structure.  As creative beings, we have the ability to speak and act and make things manifest in the world; and so we actually have a degree of freedom about what our buildings look like.  You may be working on a massive modern skyscraper, and other people may only be interested in building a cottage by the sea.  If you have no idea what you want to create in your life, a great question to start with is: What would I love to make my life about?  However, this article is not about the structure of our lives, but the foundation.

If we were to look at laying an actual foundation for a building, what are the most important elements?  It strikes me that we would want to find ground that was solid and unmoving.  So, sand and mud are probably not our best bets, but rock and solid dirt are likely much better choices.  Similarly you are going to want to find some solid material like concrete with re-bar for the actual foundation.  It all basically comes down to solid unchanging ground, and solid unchanging material that is shock absorbent.

Now, I’m going to invite you to think about the kind of material you are building your life on top of.  Most of us start out in life thinking we have a rock solid foundation. Often they are even very solid sounding things, such as our family, or a good education, or a secure job, or a happy marriage, or great physical health.  We attach our joy, peace, and well-being to these foundational materials.  Then of course, as we go the way of life, storms inevitably hit, circumstances change, and our structures crack and crumble; sometimes they even topple over.  We then think that life is inherently unstable.  We make up that the world is a scary place.  When in reality circumstances are the only things that are actually unstable. They simply make poor material for your foundation because the nature of circumstances is that they change.  It’s like building your life on quick sand. 

Now I’m not saying, don’t create wonderful relationships, find work you love, and spend time cultivating a healthy body because it’s all in vain.  I’m saying make them a part of your structure, not your foundation. The circumstances of our lives were never meant to be used for our foundation.  People leave, jobs get eliminated, and bodies get sick and die. I’m not even being pessimistic, these are simply truths, are they not?  Once you get really clear and honest with yourself about these truths, and you stop trying to convince yourself that circumstances will stay exactly the same; then you can begin to notice and cultivate a truly solid foundation.

It is actually a gift when everything in our lives that we’ve attached our well-being to begins disappearing.  We then have the opportunity to identify the elements of our life that are truly unchanging.  Those things that endure time, space, and circumstances.

The question then becomes: what is solid enough to build our lives on?  What can weather the storm of changing circumstances?  What can absorb the shock of our bodies breaking down and the people we love physically leaving?  I can’t tell you what your answer should be, because this is a much deeper, and much more spiritual conversation.  An area where I have faith and personal experience, but I don’t have any sort of cosmic answers or expertise.  Those kinds of answers are above my pay grade.  I will, however, tell you what I want to build my life around and maybe in my sharing that, you will see something for yourself.

I am committed to building my life on a foundation of love.  For me, love is the only thing that never changes.  Love is unshakeable and all encompassing.  I believe love is our spiritual essence.  Love is who we really are.  Love is formless and ageless.   Love is a multiplier and asks nothing of anyone.

It is a simple understanding, a knowing, and a faith. When those storms come, and you know that the situations and circumstances will inevitably change, you can make peace with that.  I invite you to rest easy in the understanding that there is a deeper part of you.  This is an essential part of all of us that is untouched by the heartache, the physical pain, and the suffering that comes with life.  This is the part of us that was there when we were born, and will exist long after our physical bodies have withered and passed away. 

If you get in touch with this essence, or spirit, or unconditioned self, or god… whatever you want to call it, you will have a much gentler and more peaceful experience of life.  When you are in the middle of a terrible storm or thought or circumstance, you can always rest easy in the notion that “this too will pass”, and not only that, but there is something that won’t pass.  And that something for me is love.

Coaching Tip of the Week:

This week I want to invite you to not do anything to build a sturdier foundation for your life.  Take a week off from working on yourself, your relationships, and your life.  With that freed up energy, spend some time looking in the direction of your true nature.  Get quiet as best you can, and settle back into yourself.  Play around with remembering who you really are.  If you have a spiritual practice or a book you go to, maybe pick it up again.  If not, go to love. The more you look in the direction of love, the more you see it and experience it.  Rest easy this week in the unconditional love of the universe.  And if you are in the middle of a particularly nasty storm, you might remind yourself that even the worst storms always pass, and give way to sunny skies.

Until Next Week, Love and Light,

Coach Ty