Beyond Optimism and Pessimism

"Out beyond all ideas of right and wrong, there is a field... I'll meet you there."

-Rumi

I have been on a journey of personal development for the last 6 or 7 years now in an attempt to fix what was broken with me.  I've actually come to understand that there is fundamentally nothing wrong with us, and the true value is in remembering who we really are. However, If you have spent any time at all in the personal development world, you'll know that one of the central distinctions is that of optimism vs. pessimism.  Optimism of course being good and pessimism being naturally bad.  Just so we are clear, optimism is essentially a positive uplifting outlook of the future, and pessimism is a negative or bleak view of the future.  In large part it has become ingrained in our culture that we're supposed to be positive at all times and at all costs. The optimists tell themselves over and over that 'I just have got to stay positive'.  Then there are the pessimists, which are self-proclaimed "realists". Unfortunately the 'reality' is that these people are just so beaten down by life that they have lost all hope for a better future, and have almost no access to possibility. This is a war that has waged far longer than I've been on the planet, and I don't care to get in the middle of it, so I'm going to take a big step outside of it.

Most people are surprised to find out that I'm actually not a big fan of optimistic or pessimistic outlooks.  I know this is blasphemous, especially for you optimists who have grown up on such classic self-help and personal development books as The Power of Positive Thinking, and Think and Grow Rich. In fact, I've actually had people get all up in arms with me about this, which speaks to the impact that the positive thinking movement has had on the western world. And if you tend towards pessimism, you likely aren't reading this kind of an article anyway because you assume I'm an optimist... but in the off chance that you've gotten this far, you've likely already accumulated plenty of evidence to support why you are right and I am wrong.  

The optimists will try to convince me that they know everything is going to turn out just fine, all the while living in denial about their declining financial position, and the continual decay or their marriage.  On the other hand, pessimists will argue with me up and down that their bleak predictions for the future are the right ones, and everything is going to end up poorly, so what's the point of even attempting to create a better life for oneself? In each case, our thoughts about the future actually get in the way of us creating it powerfully in the present moment. My invitation to both sides is to drop your swords and read on with an open mind.  You never know, you might just learn something new.

The interesting thing about both optimistic and pessimistic outlooks, is that they are both made-up stories about the future. One is a feel good story with a happy ending, and the other is a drama/horror that ends in with the worst possible outcome.  Fortunately, both are complete works of fiction.  Granted; as one of my mentors Michael Neill says, "If you are going to make up stuff, you might as well make up good stuff, right?"  I mean it feels better to think about a future going how you want it rather than going horribly wrong. However, my question is, why make stuff up?  The truth is, none of us knows for certain how the future is going to turn out, right?  Do you know the future?  I certainly don't.  It seems pretty silly to me to go about pretending to know the future to make ourselves feel better. Sometimes a storm of circumstances can hit you from all sides and present some real challenges. Other times, impossibly good things can happen even late in the game. Even with the best will and planning in the world, we just don't know.  This isn't optimistic or pessimistic, it's simply the truth.

One of the most obvious but commonly overlooked examples of this denial is death.  As far as I can tell, the death of our physical bodies is pretty much inevitable.  Not only is it inevitable, but we have no idea when it will occur.  Yet, most people spend the majority of their lives in denial of this, living their lives as if they will live forever, and their loved ones will too. Now, I'm not saying we need to live our lives with a sense of urgency, but spending some time making peace with the truth can be incredibly valuable. If you would like to explore this specific idea further, please check out my archived article titled The Source Of All Fear.

What I've discovered through working with people as a coach and change agent, as well as in my own personal explorations, is that all of these shenanigans can basically be boiled down to a fundamental fear of the unknown.  We have been trained to avoid the unknown at all costs because 'thar be dragons over there'... right?  The positive and negative outlooks are both cover-ups for our fear and insecurity of the unknown.  We've been taught that it is unacceptable to not know.  We've even designed it so that in our schools, the worst thing that can happen to us is that we don't know the answer to a question. This has created a cultural thought virus that has steered people away from hanging-out in the unknown for any significant period of time.  Sure it could be scary, but it can be equally as exciting.  The unknown is actually where possibility lives, and if we become willing to put down our stories about how we "know" it's going to go, we can finally open ourselves up to a life and a future that is anything but predictable.  A future full of wonder, possibility, and creativity.  Sure, shit still happens.  Even the brilliant theosopher Sydney Banks used to say, "Life is a contact sport". However, at the risk of sounding like an optimist... you might just find that if you let go of your story telling for a while, you'll have enough space to create a life even more wonderful than you could have imagined.

If you are interested in getting started on creating that life right away, my job and passion is to support people create wonderful lives for themselves.  Call for a complimentary transformative coaching consultation today at 503-389-3778.  Don't put your life on hold for another second.

Until next time, love and light,

Coach Ty