Love vs Fear

"The opposite of love is fear, but what is all-encompassing can have no opposite."

-A Course In Miracles

As the holiday season is in full swing right now, I want to share with you one of the most useful distinctions I've ever come across.  This is the distinction between seeing the world through the eyes of Love versus through the eyes of Fear.  I first came across this in the hugely inspiring book A Course In Miracles(ACIM) several years back, and it has stuck with me ever since.

According to ACIM, there are really only two places that we can come from at any given time, Love or Fear.  Where one exists, the other cannot.  I've written about fear quite a bit, and by and large, it is not useful at all.  It clouds our thinking so that we see the world and the people in it, in the worst possible light.  When we see through the eyes of fear, we are looking at a very surface level picture of the world.  We think we're looking at a very real very solid world of form that can hurt us, so of course we should be afraid; when in reality, we're only looking out onto the world through the filter of our own thinking.  We can't actually see anything outside ourselves that isn't us.  We're caught up in a dream of our own thoughts. We aren't afraid of what we think we're afraid or, we're afraid of what we think.  The nature of fear is illusory. When you get up close to them, and poke your finger through them, they go POOF, and we realize there was never actually anything real to be afraid of.

Also, if you're thinking, I'm not experiencing fear or love, what I can tell you is... yes you are, you're just not aware of it.  Our mind experiences things in layers, and the bottom layer of every internal experience is either love or fear.  If it is any kind of uncomfortable emotion like anger, sadness, frustration, irritation, or anything else, it is being driven by fear.  If you don't believe me, think back to a time when you were really angry or really sad, and ask yourself what the fear was underneath that emotion.  If you look hard enough you will always find an answer.  Love on the other hand tends to be a little less hidden, so you don't have to dig quite as deep to find it.

Let's look at some of people's primary fears in life and pick them apart a little bit.  I'm not doing this to make light of your suffering, my intention is to show you that you are most likely suffering needlessly:

• Death
• Rejection
• Loss of a relationship
• Failure
• Humiliation
• Endedness
• Change
• Success
• Being found out
• Intimacy/Vulnerability
• God

Let's start with the big one, death.  If we look closely, what is there really to be afraid of?  It's a process that seems to occur for pretty much everything on the planet.  The physical body stops working.  We all know it's coming, although most of us pretend as if it's not.  So what's the fear about? In it of itself, it's not scary... until our minds start telling stories about it such as: 'I can't die now, I unfinished business' or 'I'm too young to die' or 'God will send me to hell when I die'.  When I start  making up these kinds of stories in my head, then yeah, I can make it pretty darned scary.  In other words death is not inherently scary, and neither are any of the things on the list above.   It's all to do with our thinking.  Check out the article I wrote called The Source of All Fear to learn more.  

How about rejection?  You can't actually be rejected, can you?  Sure somebody can tell you to go away, or that they don't like you, but rejection is only ever a story that we make up.  How about loss of a relationship?  Well, I hate to break it to you, but relationships don't exist.  We talk about them as if they were a thing, but relationships are simply the process of relating to another person or thing.  Which means, you can never actually lose a relationship, it can only ever change form.  We primarily relate to things in our minds, so you can't stop relating, can you? Alright, what about failure? Story! You can't actually fail, outside of your own mind. Humiliation? Our Thinking! Endedness? Story! Change, Success, Being found out, Vulnerability, God?  Story, Story, Story, Story, Story!

This of course leads me to the second half of the equation, which is Love!  As the quote at the beginning of the article suggests, fear is the opposite of love, however because fear is just an illusion, all that's really left over is love.  Fear is the illusion, love is what's real.  Sure we have the capacity to have an experience of fear, but it is only ever kept alive inside our own minds.  Love however is eternal.  Love is what's real and as ACIM says "Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists."

Alright, let's get practical shall we?  If love is what's real and fear is an illusion, then we should be all having a wonderful experience of life right?  Well, not necessarily.  Think about when you have a scary dream. Just because you are dreaming and it's not real, doesn't mean that you can't have an unpleasant experience.  What it does mean is that there is no real threat to the truth.  All you have to do is wake up and see that it was all a dream.  This article as well as A Course In Miracles, is dedicated to the practice of waking up to the truth.

What if only love existed?  What if our most fundamental nature, our very essence was unconditional love?  What if everything was either an expression of love, or a call for love?  What if you could only look upon your fellow human beings through the eyes of love?  What would you see?  Could you harbor resentments?  How would you treat people?  

If you no longer had other people to be upset with, how do you think that would impact your life?  How would that effect your health?  How would that impact your level of joy?  What do you think your relationships would look like?

Look for the truth of who people are and you will remember who you really are.  You will know yourself as you begin seeing others as the presence of Love.

Let's start small shall we?

Ty's Coaching Tip of the Week:

1. Think of one person in your life who you are upset with or quarreling with and would like to shift the relationship.
2. Acknowledge that if you aren't in a state of love when you think of them, than you are in a mindset of fear.
3. Identify the fear by asking yourself, 'What am I afraid of in this relationship.'
4. Listen until an answer shows up, or several.
5. Recognize the fear for what it truly is, an illusion. Poke your finger through it?  Ask, is this fearful story true?  Can I absolutely know that it's true??? Of course you can't, so it isn't. It's just a story.
6. While doing some deep breathing ask if you're willing to release yourself and the other person from the bondage that fear has over you.  It is keeping you stuck and stagnate. Your mind is not free when it is afraid
7. Stay with it until you are willing to release the desire to hold onto the fear.
8. Next, create the intention to see this person or situation as they really are, which is a divine loving being.  Ask to see through the eyes of love.  
9. These questions can help guide you. 'If I saw this person through the eyes of unconditional love, what would I see, what would I do?' 'If I knew only love was real, could I take what this person has done personal, could I experience anger or frustration?' and finally 'If this individual is either expressing love, or calling for love, what's my appropriate response?'  

To learn more about love and taking things personal please read, It's Never Personal, and What Would Love Say?

Until next time, learn heaps, live boldly, and love always!

Coach Ty