The Foundations of Life

“If you knew who walked beside you, on this path that you have chosen, you would never experience fear or doubt again.”

-A Course In Miracles

Imagine that everything you do with your life is equivalent to building a spectacular structure.  Each decision you make, each relationship you create, and what you do and say are all alterations and additions to the structure.  As creative beings, we have the ability to speak and act and make things manifest in the world; and so we actually have a degree of freedom about what our buildings look like.  You may be working on a massive modern skyscraper, and other people may only be interested in building a cottage by the sea.  If you have no idea what you want to create in your life, a great question to start with is: What would I love to make my life about?  However, this article is not about the structure of our lives, but the foundation.

If we were to look at laying an actual foundation for a building, what are the most important elements?  It strikes me that we would want to find ground that was solid and unmoving.  So, sand and mud are probably not our best bets, but rock and solid dirt are likely much better choices.  Similarly you are going to want to find some solid material like concrete with re-bar for the actual foundation.  It all basically comes down to solid unchanging ground, and solid unchanging material that is shock absorbent.

Now, I’m going to invite you to think about the kind of material you are building your life on top of.  Most of us start out in life thinking we have a rock solid foundation. Often they are even very solid sounding things, such as our family, or a good education, or a secure job, or a happy marriage, or great physical health.  We attach our joy, peace, and well-being to these foundational materials.  Then of course, as we go the way of life, storms inevitably hit, circumstances change, and our structures crack and crumble; sometimes they even topple over.  We then think that life is inherently unstable.  We make up that the world is a scary place.  When in reality circumstances are the only things that are actually unstable. They simply make poor material for your foundation because the nature of circumstances is that they change.  It’s like building your life on quick sand. 

Now I’m not saying, don’t create wonderful relationships, find work you love, and spend time cultivating a healthy body because it’s all in vain.  I’m saying make them a part of your structure, not your foundation. The circumstances of our lives were never meant to be used for our foundation.  People leave, jobs get eliminated, and bodies get sick and die. I’m not even being pessimistic, these are simply truths, are they not?  Once you get really clear and honest with yourself about these truths, and you stop trying to convince yourself that circumstances will stay exactly the same; then you can begin to notice and cultivate a truly solid foundation.

It is actually a gift when everything in our lives that we’ve attached our well-being to begins disappearing.  We then have the opportunity to identify the elements of our life that are truly unchanging.  Those things that endure time, space, and circumstances.

The question then becomes: what is solid enough to build our lives on?  What can weather the storm of changing circumstances?  What can absorb the shock of our bodies breaking down and the people we love physically leaving?  I can’t tell you what your answer should be, because this is a much deeper, and much more spiritual conversation.  An area where I have faith and personal experience, but I don’t have any sort of cosmic answers or expertise.  Those kinds of answers are above my pay grade.  I will, however, tell you what I want to build my life around and maybe in my sharing that, you will see something for yourself.

I am committed to building my life on a foundation of love.  For me, love is the only thing that never changes.  Love is unshakeable and all encompassing.  I believe love is our spiritual essence.  Love is who we really are.  Love is formless and ageless.   Love is a multiplier and asks nothing of anyone.

It is a simple understanding, a knowing, and a faith. When those storms come, and you know that the situations and circumstances will inevitably change, you can make peace with that.  I invite you to rest easy in the understanding that there is a deeper part of you.  This is an essential part of all of us that is untouched by the heartache, the physical pain, and the suffering that comes with life.  This is the part of us that was there when we were born, and will exist long after our physical bodies have withered and passed away. 

If you get in touch with this essence, or spirit, or unconditioned self, or god… whatever you want to call it, you will have a much gentler and more peaceful experience of life.  When you are in the middle of a terrible storm or thought or circumstance, you can always rest easy in the notion that “this too will pass”, and not only that, but there is something that won’t pass.  And that something for me is love.

Coaching Tip of the Week:

This week I want to invite you to not do anything to build a sturdier foundation for your life.  Take a week off from working on yourself, your relationships, and your life.  With that freed up energy, spend some time looking in the direction of your true nature.  Get quiet as best you can, and settle back into yourself.  Play around with remembering who you really are.  If you have a spiritual practice or a book you go to, maybe pick it up again.  If not, go to love. The more you look in the direction of love, the more you see it and experience it.  Rest easy this week in the unconditional love of the universe.  And if you are in the middle of a particularly nasty storm, you might remind yourself that even the worst storms always pass, and give way to sunny skies.

Until Next Week, Love and Light,

Coach Ty