Seeing The Big Picture

"The problem is not that we have mental models, it is that we don't recognize that we have mental models.

-Srikumar Rao

When I was first exploring the nature of the mind, and how our thoughts create our experience of reality, I thought the best I could ever do was to switch from a very unpleasant way of seeing the world, to a positive way of seeing the world.  In the fields of NLP and Coaching, we call this re-framing.  When you change the frame size or location of the picture you are looking at, or in this case the circumstances in your life, then you will actually have a different experience of whatever it is you are looking at.

A common example of this in the personal transformation field, is the deliberate shifting of ones perspective from seeing something as a problem, to seeing it as a challenge.  Most people have a more empowered relationship to the world challenge than to the word problem.  We tend to think about problems as things that happen to us that we have very little if any control over, and in turn we are unlikely to do anything about them except lash out in anger, sadness or fear; which is what we do when we feel trapped.  Challenges on the other hand are often thought of more in terms of obstacles that we can overcome, so with that simple switch in how you are framing a situation, you will not only hold it differently in your mind but speak and act differently as a result.

You can even take this example one step further and see the challenges as opportunities.  They could be opportunities for learning or growth, or to practice love or forgiveness.  You can literally chose to see anything and everything in your life as an opportunity.  Re-framing takes practice though, and is usually much more effective with the assistance of a skilled coach.  However if you want to get good at seeing things differently, my favorite questions to ask myself are, 'How might I see this differently?' and 'How would I love to see this(situation, person, etc.)?'

This is the essence of positive thinking. Changing the way you look at the world to have a more pleasant experience of life.  It's just like the saying, 'if you're going to make stuff up, you might as well make up good stuff'.  Herein lies the problem with this whole approach though.  It still keeps people trapped inside their own thinking; it's just that instead of making up a crappy story about the circumstances of their life, they make up a happy story.  Never mind the fact that it takes a whole lot of work and practice to continually attempt to re-frame everything in your life.  Plus, sometimes it just doesn't work due to the surface level nature of re-framing.  In essence we're trading one story for another.

There is actually a way to step outside of your story, and transform your experience of life without trying to control your thinking.  All you have to do is see the truth of how the whole thing works.  This simple transformation occurs not by changing your thinking but in simply recognizing that as human beings we think.  When you know that your thoughts create 100% of your experience of the world, then your life will begin to transform from the inside out.

When somebody is getting really worked up about something in their life, it's often magnified because they are mistaking their thinking for being real.  In other words, when we're seeing life as though we are the victim of circumstances, it's not actually the circumstances that cause us suffering, it's our thoughts about the circumstances.  The sooner and more fully you recognize that it's just thought, the easier it will be for you to let those unpleasant thoughts go.

It's not that you won't still have an emotional experience of your thinking, because that just seems to be how the mind works.  We have a thought and then we experience an emotion.  But even when you are experiencing some really crappy thinking, if you know in the back of your mind that it's not real it's just a story in your head, that will make life much less scary.  When you know that you can only really experience your thinking,  and that your miserable thoughts will always pass through if you let them, than life gets really gentle really quick.

I once heard a story about Super Coach George Pransky working with a client, and he was explaining these very same concepts to her.  She then asked him "So, are you saying that my thinking isn't real, it's just a mirage?"  To that he replied "Well, lets put it this way, it's a real mirage."  The only danger is in not recognizing the illusory nature of our thinking.

At this point you may be questioning whether there are any practical applications to these ideas at all.  So, in the spirit of that, let me share some of the shifts that I've experienced, and that people have reported to me.

When you realize your thoughts are just that, thoughts, you might just find yourself:

• Experiencing more peace and well-being
• Making bold requests 
• Asking more people to hire you
• Asking more people out on dates
• Asking for more honesty
• Asking for forgiveness
• Asking for sex 
• Asking for a raise at work
• Asking for someone to sponsor you
• Asking for people to invest in your idea
• Asking for support and accountability
• Asking for acknowledgement
• Forgiving those people who you 'thought' wronged you
• Experiencing much more love for others
• No longer taking things personally
• Realizing that circumstances are just circumstances
• Connecting more deeply with the people in your life
• Having more meaningful conversations
• Living in the present moment
• Taking actions that you previously were too afraid to take
• Saying things that you were previously too insecure to say
• Experiencing much less fear
• Saying no to things that don't appeal to you
• Experiencing less guilt
• Laughing and playing more
• Slowing down and enjoying your life
• Taking really wonderful care of yourself

...just to name a few.

Coaching Tip of The Week:

This weeks experiment is simple but not necessarily easy.  I invite you to practice recognizing that your thinking is creating your experience, not the outside world.  When you find yourself upset, or in a foul mood, just simply acknowledge that it's everything to do with how you are 'SEEING' the situation, and nothing to do with the facts.  If you get stuck, just remember, you are never upset for the reasons you think; you are upset because you think.

Until next time, learn heaps, live large, and love always!

Coach Ty