On Giving Thanks

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”

  -Friedrich Nietzsche

As I sit here in my office, on the evening of Thanksgiving here in the States, I have been contemplating just what giving thanks is all about.

When I was growing up, I was always told that it's very important to say 'thank you' for just about everything that we had, or was given to us.  Suffice it to say, I got pretty darned good at saying those two little words.  What I never spent much time doing, was actually contemplating what for?  What's the purpose of expressing gratitude? It can't be as simple as a polite saying that is programmed into us from a very early age can it?  Well, In my experience, no, it's not that simple and in fact, it's far more valuable than most of us realize.

Giving thanks, is really just expressing gratitude, or showing appreciation for what somebody has done, or more importantly who they are being.  It is an acknowledgement that who somebody is to you is meaningful and that they make a positive difference in your life.  Giving thanks is more about who we are being than what we say or do.  This means that it can take just about any form. We might express our appreciation through hugs and kisses, or cards, or a smile, a soft touch, a written message, kind words or gestures.  I think it can honestly be boiled down to an expression of love.  

If your youth was anything like mine, saying 'thank you' was more of an obligation than a privilege.  I think that can pretty much be boiled down to the fact that few people actually enjoy doing what they are 'supposed' to do. Nobody likes to be forced into anything, even if it's something really wonderful, like gratitude. 

Let's give you some new reasons to give thanks that may just change your mind about the whole thing.

When you develop an 'attitude of gratitude' and begin to make a practice of appreciating much more in your life, much more of what you want shows up.  The reality is that when you spend more time focusing on what it is you really love about your life, you get more of it.  This absolutely works, but exactly why is something of a mystery that is well beyond my pay grade.  Let me share with you the two most common theories and I'll let you draw your own conclusions.  The first of which is called harmonic resonance or the law of attraction.  This theory recognizes the vibratory and energetic nature of the universe and says that those things that vibrate like one another, will attract each other.  A common case study supporting this, is that of the grandfather clocks.  If you have a room full of grandfather clocks, they will all eventually synchronize themselves to the clock with the dominant rhythm.  It's pretty cool if you ever have the opportunity to check it out.  This theory says that "that which is like unto itself is drawn" or 'like attracts like'.  In other words if you align your thoughts, words, and actions with what you want and love, you will begin the business of creating and manifesting that in your life.  Expressing gratitude is a huge part of that because you place your focus on what you are thankful for, in turn attracting more of that into your life.  If you want to learn more about this,  I highly recommend the work of Esther and Jerry Hicks.  I'd start with their book called "Ask and it is Given".

The second theory has been called a lot of different things, but I particularly like the name 'The Perceptual Snowplow' which I first heard from Super Coach Michael Neill.  This theory can basically be summed up with the saying, you'll always tend to see whatever it is you are looking for.  Most people have experienced the phenomenon of deciding on a car that they liked or maybe a friend got a new car, and suddenly they see that model of car everywhere. It's not that there were suddenly 100's more of those cars on the road, it's that you began looking for them.  In the field of Neuro-linguistics we call this sorting or filtering.  Usually this occurs at a pretty unconscious level, but we actually sort through and filter out all of the extraneous data and keep that which we are looking for.  The reality is we can't be aware of everything there is to see anyway, so we may as well sort for the good stuff, right(To learn more, read my article on The Power of Focus)?

Here's the cool thing, it doesn't matter what theory you buy into, it is a very real phenomenon.  When you switch your point of focus, you experience of the world differently.  So, when you deliberately spend time appreciating those people and things in your life, they grow and expand.  

Another reason to hold an energy of gratitude is, other people love to be authentically appreciated for what they have done or who they are being in your life.  It will make people's day when you take the time to outwardly acknowledge them.

Finally, one of the wonders of expressing appreciation is that it feels good.  When you spend time noticing the beauty in your life, or the love, or the wealth, it feels good.  Also, it is a multiplier, the more you appreciate, the more you notice things to appreciate.  You are never taking away from someone else in order to give thanks to others.  

A bonus result of appreciating people, is that it makes your relationships much more wonderful!  When you spend time noticing and expressing everything that is wonderful about your spouse, or your kids, or parents, they will transform before your very eyes.  Often times, those things that they did that annoyed you, will just lose their significance.  

I know these are bold claims, but all I can say is, do it!  Make a practice out of it and see what happens for yourself.

Coaching Tip of the Week:

• Spend 15min. at the end of each day with a pen and paper writing down everything in your life that you can think of that you appreciate. If you can't get at least 10, you're not trying.
• If there is a particularly troublesome person or situation, spend time, finding anything and everything that you can genuinely appreciate about it or them.  I promise, if you look, you'll find something.
• Be authentic and honest in your appreciations.  It will feel forced and awkward at first, but that's just because you're not used to it.  Pretty soon it'll be the most natural thing in the world.
• Do this every day for 30 days
• Watch as your focus shifts, and your experience of life transforms!

Until next time, learn heaps, live boldly, and love always!

Coach Ty