Is It Really Just My Thinking? Part I

"Life does not consist mainly, or even largely of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through ones head."

-Mark Twain

Today I really want to discuss one of the foundational principles that really is at the heart of Transformational Coaching, and it has to do with the nature of thought itself.

So often as human beings, we just stumble our way through life, not really questioning or looking closely at how the heck our experience is being generated.  In other words, when I feel good what is that about?  Or when I feel afraid, where is the fear coming from?  

Imagine a scene with me for a moment.  You just had something you consider wonderful happen, you were proposed to, you won the lottery, or got that job you always wanted.  Where did the joy come from?  Did magical rays of sunshine burst forth from a particular circumstance, enter your body, and create a chemical reaction in your brain that caused you to feel joy or peace?  

Okay, now lets consider consider the flip side of the coin, fear, sadness, anger and all the not so pleasant experiences.  So, when you're feeling afraid, did that fear jump off of whatever it is that you are afraid of(the spider, the boss, the elevator,etc.) like an invisible bacterial infection, enter your body, and infect you with a tightness in the chest, an increased heart rate, and excessive perspiration?  Or does it work in some other way?

I know, I know, those descriptions sound ridiculous, do they not?  Unfortunately, even though it sounds silly, most people live their lives as if the above scenarios were true.  We hear others go on endlessly about how the outside world caused them to have a certain internal experience;  it was a stressful circumstance, it was a scary situation, it was a joyous occasion... well... I'm here to tell you, that isn't how it works folks.  

If a situation had an innate feeling, emotion, or experience attached to it, then we would all have the exact same experience of the world around us, would we not?  Here's an example:  Have you ever gone to a movie with one of your friends, and you thought it was terrible, contrived, and uninteresting. Meanwhile, your friend thought it was hilarious, moving, and one of the best movies of the year. Now, most of us can relate to that type of situation, and the reason we are able to have a different experience of the same external happenings, is all because of our thinking.

So, there is what happens in the world around us, and then there is what we think about what happens.  We are primarily having a direct experience of our thoughts, not the world.  

So as a coach, I'm interested in what's useful, so I'm going to tell you how this can have a profound influence on your life. 

If your experience is being generated moment by moment, through the way that you think about the world, then suddenly your thoughts become very important, don't they?  In fact, the vast majority of our decisions, actions, and beliefs, are based entirely on our experience, not on the "facts".

Knowing this helps you make one of the most important shifts you can make in your life, and that is one from playing a victim, to being an owner and a creator of your life experience.

When you act as if circumstances drive your internal experience, then you are at the mercy of circumstance, and when you aren't having the type of experience you want, you will undoubtedly look to change the world outside you, in order to change how you feel.  And you may have noticed, changing the circumstances to be exactly how we want them to be, is really hard.

On the other hand, when we see it for what it really is, just our thinking, then we are back in the drivers seat.  If we can become aware that when we are sad we are simply thinking a sad thought, when we are angry we are thinking angry thoughts, and when we are afraid, we are thinking scary thoughts, it becomes much easier to simply notice it, and let it go.  

Thought Experiment:  When you get caught up in an unpleasant experience this week (stress, anger, fear, sadness, etc.) see if you can notice what  thoughts are behind the emotions.  I invite you to be surprised and delighted at how your experience changes, simply by noticing what's going on behind the scenes.  Don't try to change it, just notice it!

The implications of this are huge throughout your life and relationships, so be sure to catch part II coming soon where I will talk more about the nature of thought and how positive thinking, and controlling your thoughts are not the answer.  However, in the meantime, lets start with just a noticing.

Stay tuned for my next entry in a few days with "Is It Really Just My Thinking?: Part II"

Love and Light,

Tyler