You Already Know What To Do

“You have a wisdom inside you – listen for it and give it voice. You have a light inside you – feel it’s glow and let it shine.  You have the power to speak and act and make things manifest in the world – let your wisdom and light guide you as you do.”

-Michael Neill, SuperCoach

One of the concerns I get the most from my clients is some version of the phrase, "I don't know what to do," or "I don't know how to handle this situation."  It's so common that people generally get stuck here and give up on their dreams, projects, and goals.  One of the interesting things I have found as a transformative coach is that not knowing what to do, is very rarely a limiting factor.  In fact, most people know exactly what to do, they just have been ignoring their inner wisdom.  Or sometimes people try to convince themselves that they don't know what to do because they actually know, they just don't like the answer.  In order to create something new and wonderful in our lives, it is going to require taking some actions that are pretty frightening for most people.  It requires us doing things that we have previously been unwilling to do in the past.  It requires that we step boldly into the unknown, where we have never been before.

We have been conditioned to believe that the unknown is the worst possible place we could hang out in.  It's so scary to most people, that we avoid it at all cost.  We are so uncomfortable no knowing what the future holds, that we try to control the heck out of our circumstances, and busy ourselves with menial tasks that basically just play as a distraction to the fact that none of us know what's coming next.  I'm not a naysayer, I'm a truth seeker. As far as I can tell, I don't know the future definitively, and I don't know anybody who does.  This tells me, we spend a whole lot our time and energy avoiding something that is just true.  Kind of like death, we busy ourselves to the point of burn-out, so that we don't have to take a look at our own mortality.  It's the same with the unknown.  Here's the good news though, the unknown is not just a place where our worst fears hide, it's actually the place where possibility lives.

However, just because our futures are absolutely uncertain, that doesn't mean that we don't know what to do to move us in a direction of creating a life of wonder and joy.  If you don't believe me, take a look for yourself around a goal or project in your life.  Check-in and ask yourself, what do I know to do, that I have been previously unwilling to do?  What would I do if I wasn't afraid?

Here's what came up for me. Notice what comes up for yourself as you read what came up for me. When I look at building my coaching practice, I know that if I want to create more clients for myself, I simply have to make more calls and have more conversations with referral sources and potential clients.  I know that I have to actually ask people to hire me.  I know that the more I practice saying my fees out loud, the more comfortable I'll be saying them.  I know that showing up as a coach out in the community will support my business.  I know to communicate directly with people and make clear appointments for complimentary sessions.

If I want to improve a relationship, I know that I could say "I love you", and "I'm sorry," more.  I know to speak softer and kinder.  I know to express what it is I appreciate about the other person.  I know to have important conversations when I'm in a place of well-being.  I know that if I want something, making a clean request for it, is the best way to get it.  I know to come from a place of curiosity instead of fear. I know to share authentically.  I know to take responsibility for my own thoughts, words, and actions.

If I want to lose weight, I know I need to eat healthier, move my body more, get more sleep, and drink more water.  If I want to learn to run faster and longer, I have to run more often, faster, and longer.

If I want to access more of my innate well-being, I know to take time every day to read from A Course In Miracles, to listen to inspirational music and podcasts, to meditate, receive hugs, dance, laugh, exercise, journal, and snuggle with my cat.  I know to let go of the past, and let go of those things that I don't have any real control over.

Now, check back in with yourself.  What did you notice? What do you already know to do, that you haven't been doing?  What are you afraid of.  Remember, fear lives in the unknown, but that's also the only place that possibility lives.  If you want to create the life of your dreams, you're going to have to be uncomfortable from time to time.  Recognize that your fears are just based on your thinking, and you don't need to think those thoughts.

Now that you've re-discovered that you know what to do, take a deep breath, acknowledge the fear if it's there, and take the action anyways!

Until next time, learn heaps, live boldly, and love always!

Coach Ty

P.S., Don't forget to check out my holiday special on coaching that will be running out soon.  Now is the perfect opportunity to sign up and create your life from a place of purpose and possibility in 2012.  Make it the year that you transform your life for good.

Love vs Fear

"The opposite of love is fear, but what is all-encompassing can have no opposite."

-A Course In Miracles

As the holiday season is in full swing right now, I want to share with you one of the most useful distinctions I've ever come across.  This is the distinction between seeing the world through the eyes of Love versus through the eyes of Fear.  I first came across this in the hugely inspiring book A Course In Miracles(ACIM) several years back, and it has stuck with me ever since.

According to ACIM, there are really only two places that we can come from at any given time, Love or Fear.  Where one exists, the other cannot.  I've written about fear quite a bit, and by and large, it is not useful at all.  It clouds our thinking so that we see the world and the people in it, in the worst possible light.  When we see through the eyes of fear, we are looking at a very surface level picture of the world.  We think we're looking at a very real very solid world of form that can hurt us, so of course we should be afraid; when in reality, we're only looking out onto the world through the filter of our own thinking.  We can't actually see anything outside ourselves that isn't us.  We're caught up in a dream of our own thoughts. We aren't afraid of what we think we're afraid or, we're afraid of what we think.  The nature of fear is illusory. When you get up close to them, and poke your finger through them, they go POOF, and we realize there was never actually anything real to be afraid of.

Also, if you're thinking, I'm not experiencing fear or love, what I can tell you is... yes you are, you're just not aware of it.  Our mind experiences things in layers, and the bottom layer of every internal experience is either love or fear.  If it is any kind of uncomfortable emotion like anger, sadness, frustration, irritation, or anything else, it is being driven by fear.  If you don't believe me, think back to a time when you were really angry or really sad, and ask yourself what the fear was underneath that emotion.  If you look hard enough you will always find an answer.  Love on the other hand tends to be a little less hidden, so you don't have to dig quite as deep to find it.

Let's look at some of people's primary fears in life and pick them apart a little bit.  I'm not doing this to make light of your suffering, my intention is to show you that you are most likely suffering needlessly:

• Death
• Rejection
• Loss of a relationship
• Failure
• Humiliation
• Endedness
• Change
• Success
• Being found out
• Intimacy/Vulnerability
• God

Let's start with the big one, death.  If we look closely, what is there really to be afraid of?  It's a process that seems to occur for pretty much everything on the planet.  The physical body stops working.  We all know it's coming, although most of us pretend as if it's not.  So what's the fear about? In it of itself, it's not scary... until our minds start telling stories about it such as: 'I can't die now, I unfinished business' or 'I'm too young to die' or 'God will send me to hell when I die'.  When I start  making up these kinds of stories in my head, then yeah, I can make it pretty darned scary.  In other words death is not inherently scary, and neither are any of the things on the list above.   It's all to do with our thinking.  Check out the article I wrote called The Source of All Fear to learn more.  

How about rejection?  You can't actually be rejected, can you?  Sure somebody can tell you to go away, or that they don't like you, but rejection is only ever a story that we make up.  How about loss of a relationship?  Well, I hate to break it to you, but relationships don't exist.  We talk about them as if they were a thing, but relationships are simply the process of relating to another person or thing.  Which means, you can never actually lose a relationship, it can only ever change form.  We primarily relate to things in our minds, so you can't stop relating, can you? Alright, what about failure? Story! You can't actually fail, outside of your own mind. Humiliation? Our Thinking! Endedness? Story! Change, Success, Being found out, Vulnerability, God?  Story, Story, Story, Story, Story!

This of course leads me to the second half of the equation, which is Love!  As the quote at the beginning of the article suggests, fear is the opposite of love, however because fear is just an illusion, all that's really left over is love.  Fear is the illusion, love is what's real.  Sure we have the capacity to have an experience of fear, but it is only ever kept alive inside our own minds.  Love however is eternal.  Love is what's real and as ACIM says "Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists."

Alright, let's get practical shall we?  If love is what's real and fear is an illusion, then we should be all having a wonderful experience of life right?  Well, not necessarily.  Think about when you have a scary dream. Just because you are dreaming and it's not real, doesn't mean that you can't have an unpleasant experience.  What it does mean is that there is no real threat to the truth.  All you have to do is wake up and see that it was all a dream.  This article as well as A Course In Miracles, is dedicated to the practice of waking up to the truth.

What if only love existed?  What if our most fundamental nature, our very essence was unconditional love?  What if everything was either an expression of love, or a call for love?  What if you could only look upon your fellow human beings through the eyes of love?  What would you see?  Could you harbor resentments?  How would you treat people?  

If you no longer had other people to be upset with, how do you think that would impact your life?  How would that effect your health?  How would that impact your level of joy?  What do you think your relationships would look like?

Look for the truth of who people are and you will remember who you really are.  You will know yourself as you begin seeing others as the presence of Love.

Let's start small shall we?

Ty's Coaching Tip of the Week:

1. Think of one person in your life who you are upset with or quarreling with and would like to shift the relationship.
2. Acknowledge that if you aren't in a state of love when you think of them, than you are in a mindset of fear.
3. Identify the fear by asking yourself, 'What am I afraid of in this relationship.'
4. Listen until an answer shows up, or several.
5. Recognize the fear for what it truly is, an illusion. Poke your finger through it?  Ask, is this fearful story true?  Can I absolutely know that it's true??? Of course you can't, so it isn't. It's just a story.
6. While doing some deep breathing ask if you're willing to release yourself and the other person from the bondage that fear has over you.  It is keeping you stuck and stagnate. Your mind is not free when it is afraid
7. Stay with it until you are willing to release the desire to hold onto the fear.
8. Next, create the intention to see this person or situation as they really are, which is a divine loving being.  Ask to see through the eyes of love.  
9. These questions can help guide you. 'If I saw this person through the eyes of unconditional love, what would I see, what would I do?' 'If I knew only love was real, could I take what this person has done personal, could I experience anger or frustration?' and finally 'If this individual is either expressing love, or calling for love, what's my appropriate response?'  

To learn more about love and taking things personal please read, It's Never Personal, and What Would Love Say?

Until next time, learn heaps, live boldly, and love always!

Coach Ty