Forgiveness and The Three Principles

"I Forgive my brothers and sisters for what they have not done." 

-A Course In Miracles

Forgiveness is a word that we all use in our society and we all agree it is a good thing... but most people really struggle with actually forgiving.  We hold onto resentments for years and sometimes even a whole lifetime.  I find these struggles are primarily because people don't fully understand what true forgiveness is, and how it comes about.  So, my request to you is to set aside what you think you already know about forgiveness, and lets take a fresh look at it together.

To watch my video lecture on True Forgiveness click here

One of the reasons we don't really understand forgiveness is because we usually only take a look at it when we are in the midst of some heavy duty resentful thoughts and feelings.  When we are having this particular kind of thought storm we don't see things very clearly.  We don't have access to wisdom, creativity, or forgiveness for that matter.  It's like looking through a heat haze, nothing is clear.

Here is the Western Worlds' version of forgiveness:  It starts with something happening in the outside world... the world outside of our heads that is.  More specifically when someone says or does something that we don't like.  We then get upset AT that person or those people. That's what we call resentment by the way... specifically targeted upset feelings. We then, without even realizing it, justify our upset feelings.  In other words we think our upset feelings are appropriate to the actions taken by the other person. It is specifically because of this justification that we hold onto our resentment, often for years at a time.  From this place of justified resentment, then, and only then, do we attempt to practice forgiveness... either because we think we should, or because we are just tired of feeling so lousy when it comes to the other person.  This usually doesn't go well, so we end up living in limbo between trying to make what they did okay, and secretly resenting them for what they did.

lets take a real life example... something pretty heavy duty like an infidelity within a monogamous relationship.  The way it usually goes is our partner has an affair, we find out about it one way or another and then we get very upset.  Some part of us wants things to be okay again so we often try to forgive them, but we don't really know how.  The first path that many of us take is we try to mitigate the upset feelings by physically leaving, but never really forgiving.  We don't realize that our upset has nothing to do with physical proximity so we continue to suffer, especially when we have to interact with that person, or simply when they cross our minds.  Often it manifests in future relationships as insecurity and general distrust of other peoples behaviors.

The second of the two paths is that we choose to stay in the physical relationship, and struggle to forgive them. Often for years, we live in resentment, and they live in guilt.  We want to trust them again, but our experience of betrayal was just too painful, and so we often make it all the way to the end of our lives without having ever fully forgiven that person.

Now, that may not be the exact version of forgiveness you have, but I'm guessing it is close.  The bad news is, that is most peoples experience of forgiveness.  The good news is, that it is not true forgiveness, and there is a much better option available to you.  All you have to do is see through some very common assumptions about the whole process.

The first assumption is a big one, and may be hard to see at first... so stick with me.  We think that other peoples actions have a causal relationship to our emotional experience.  In otherwords, we believe that another person can actually be guilty of causing us misery and emotional pain.  This is the very reason we feel justified in our resentments... because we think they are based in reality.  We think that every action somebody takes or word that somebody says has the potential to damage us emotionally. This is fundamentally inaccurate, and it's not how human beings work.

What does this mean?  It means that no person, place, or thing can cause another person to feel upset, resentful, sad, angry or any other feeling.  Our emotions do have a causal force and it's thought and only thought!  Every thought we have has a corresponding feeling. This truth about the human experience is a huge component of my work and you can learn more by checking out my videos on The Three Principles.

The fact that we don't experience what other people do or say directly, actually has an incredible impact on our understanding of forgiveness.  It means that resentment and upset feelings are unjustifiable. Let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with upset feelings, and we will all experience them from time to time. I simply mean that whatever you are feeling, whether it be resentment, or betrayal, or anger or anything else, those feelings can never be a result of somebody elses' actions or words.  They can only ever come from our own thought.

The good news about us only feeling our thinking is that we are cabable of opening up to new thought, beautiful thought, loving thought, and forgiving thought in any moment... regardless of how egregious we think the other persons behavior may have been.  We can't force it, and we aren't in charge of what thoughts come into our head, but because our minds will always tend toward love and peace if left alone... that is not a problem in the least bit. We simply have to look in the direction of new thought.

The second and final assumption that we are going to question is the very notion that something can be done "to us" that needs to be forgiven in the first place.  This could include literally anything from physical abuse, to emotional devastation.  This question is really the question of who we are(To explore this in more detail check out my article on Are We A Body Or A Mind)?  

The truth is, our physical bodies can be horrible maimed, tortured, and even killed. But we are not our bodies! This means that even if somebody does something very unpleasant to our body, our essential spiritual nature isn't even scratched in the process.  This doesn't mean you don't protect and take care of your body the best you can.  It simply means that the essence of our identity is never in danger even if our body is. 

As far as emotional pain is concerned, we already know from the first assumption discussed that nobody can make us feel emotional pain because that can only ever come from our own thinking, even if it looks like it's coming from outside us.  However, it's really helpful to know that, although we experience those strong feelings... it doesn't mean that we ARE those thoughts and feelings.  A very common cultural myth is that, we think if we have certain feelings over and over again throughout our lives, that those are a big part of who we are. We say.."oh, I'm a resentful person" or "I'm a depressed person." But the truth is, not only are we not our bodies, but we are not our painful thoughts and feelings either.  Sure, we experience them, but they have absolutely zero lasting impact on the true nature of our MIND and SPIRIT.

Regardless of what we've been through either physically or emotionally, the Peace of Mind, and Love that is our true nature can never be harmed or altered in any way. It is the very essence of who we are.

This simple yet profound understanding has huge implications on the whole idea of forgiveness.  It means that we are all spiritual beings, and even though we can experience physical and emotional pain, we are all of us, extensions of the Mind of God, which can't be altered by anything that takes place within this physical world.

The question then is, if we are truly spiritual beings, and nothing can ever harm that spirit... then is there ever anything that requires traditional forgiveness? Is there anything worth resenting people for as  an unconscious form of punishment and protection?  My experience is no, which leaves us with this...

True Forgiveness is nothing more than seeing the truth of who we all are.  The truth that your apparent attacker is innocent of all spiritual wrong doing, as are you equally protected from any spiritual attack...  Our true nature is unharmable even if we can experience great physical and emotional pain.  

All there is to do, is get back in touch with our essential spiritual nature. The more we see and experience this, the more naturally we will forgive.  We won't hold grudges.  We won't tend to hold onto resentment.  We won't feel the need to protect ourselves emotionally because we know that's not who we are.  We will trust in our wisdom to protect our physical bodies as best we can... and if something does happen to those bodies, we know that it has only happened to the body, and not our Mind or Spirit.  And if we become aware of ourselves holding onto painful feelings because of something somebody else did, we will very quickly see that it is a self induced suffering that will simply pass if we stop holding onto it.

We only ever need to look toward the truth.  The truth that what the Mind of God has extended to all of us is everlasting peace, love and oneness. We simply have forgotten this truth, and it's the only reason we ever suffer.  True forgiveness flows naturally by simply understandiing that we are all truly innocent... even when there is the illusion of attack and guilt. 

Until next time, I wish you all the love in the world,

Tyler

Are We A Body or A Mind?

"As long as you perceive the body as your reality, so long will you perceive yourself as lonely and deprived."

-A Course In Miracles

In my life and my work, I've found that the vast majority of our struggling and suffering can be boiled down to one thing... a case of mistaken identity. A fundamental mis-understanding about who we really are.

Most people have thoughts about who they are, but they are almost always inaccurate. That's one of the things that you'll learn from exploring my work, is that just because you have certain thoughts about yourself or the world, doesn't make them true. It just turns out that the truth really is the only thing that will set us free. Consequently, it is worth seeing where we are wrong about ourselves, and where to look for truth.

Click here to watch the transformative video!

One of the most common examples of mistaken identity is that we think we are our bodies.  We live in a body obsessed culture, so it's not really any surprise that this is the case.  If you pick up 9 out of 10 magazines, you will find multiple articles on staying fit, losing weight, fighting old age, prolonging beauty, or covering up blemishes.  

The industries associated with the body, drive a large portion of the worlds economy.  Just think about it... everything to do with food, clothing, exercise, sex/pleasure, anti-aging, medicine and pharmaceuticals are all associated with the body.  It's all about having a better body, younger body, sexier body, more athletic body,  or a healed body.  

There are thousands of myths surrounding the body, a few of which I'd like to clear up before I get much further. Most people think that having a healthier, younger, more attractive body is the source of a more wonderful life.  In our society we think beautiful bodies have more fun, they have a higher level of mental well-being and peace of mind, and they experience a lot more love and connection in their lives.  But, as someone who worked in the health and fitness industry for many years, believe me when I say that most of the personal trainers, fitness instructors, models, nutritionists, and health experts are every bit as insecure, anxious, self-conscious, and miserable as everybody else, and more often than not, more so. 

The body is a false idol, and we have been taught to worship it.

Here's the bad news that none of these health and beauty industries are keen to point out: your body is designed to decay, and will absolutely 100% die some day. "No-Body" makes it out of this physical world alive.

We are not our bodies, and yet we have bodies. I would never tell you to neglect them, treat them poorly, or forsake them... for that is simply another form of worship.  When we worship the body, either through special love or hate, we identify ourselves as a body, and in doing so, create tremendous limitation and suffering, because it's not the truth of who we are.

If you were to believe with absolute certainty that you are a body and nothing else, here's what's on offer:

• You get to be separate from every other human being, destined to wander the earth trying to connect with other separate bodies, but always in vain... because sex is about as close as it gets when it comes to bodies, and most of you know just how fleeting sex can be when you are looking for a deeper connection.
• You get to look forward to certain death.  Endedness!  You, ceasing to exist.  
• You get to suffer from insecurity and low self-esteem because you think you are your body, therefore your very being is something that is slowly decaying and accumulating more and more maladies.  
• If it's not upon you already, you will almost certainly be plagued by illness, disease, and pain.
• If you believe you are a body, all of the desperate attempts to prolong death, and hold onto your youthful appearance make perfect sense.  But if you are not a body, it is totally insane.

It's a pretty bleak picture indeed, if you were your body.  But here's the good news, you are not a body.  None of us are.  We are all of us, a Mind.

Now, let me be clear.  We are not a brain... which is very much a part of the physical body and does what the Mind tells it to, just like the rest of the body.  

The Mind is something else entirely.  It is of spiritual, non physical origins.  According to A Course In Miracles, we are simply extensions of the Mind of God.  A mind so powerful it can conjure bodies just like we conjure bodies in our dreams while we sleep at night. We worship the body, and yet it is simply a puppet, and the Mind is the puppet master.

There are actually two aspects to the mind, which I will discuss further in another article, but suffice it to say that the aspect representing who you really are turns out to be beautiful. Our true origins rest in a Mind that knows only love, peace, and joy. It knows nothing of the experiences of separation, suffering, and misery. All of our problems stem from us having truly forgotten our mighty source. We are asleep to this truth, and so all there really is to do, is begin to wake up to it.

We are all of us deeply connected to this Divine Mind, so beautiful that any and all words fail to do it justice. All I can hope to do is point you in the direction of it.  Rest assured, however, that as you identify yourself more and more with this Mind, your life will get more and more wonderful. 

As you begin this journey of self discovery, know that it can't be found in the the physical world, which is a world of false idols. The body is simply one of the predominant idols of this world. Idols, will not and can not replace the extraordinary beauty of the mind. This leaves us with only one choice... remember who we are, or continue to suffer.

On this journey, it's important to know that we can only really look in the direction of this Mind, by knowing where not to look first. All you have to do is keep looking and exploring. There will come a point where you can't help but glimpse the truth of who you are.  And from that point on, you can never unsee and never forget that beauty.

It is in your identification with this truth, that you will find your freedom. Unconditional Love, Peace, Joy, Connection... these are not states that can be attained or manufactured, nor do they need to be.  They are what your mind is made of.  They are what you are made of.  And all you have to do to unveil this truth, is to look for it, and as you see it more and more clearly, you will recognize it as your home coming.

Right now, most people have placed their allegiances, too heavily in the body and the world of false idols to recognize this truth. Lay these allegiances aside.  They have only caused you suffering. With patience, time, and a little vigilance, you will come to see that all that you ever wanted to get from the body, you already are as Mind.

With all of the love of the Mind

Tyler

The Form vs The Formless

"The field of the finite is all that we can see, hear, touch, remember, and describe. This field is basically that which is manifest, or tangible.  

The essential quality of the infinite, by contrast, is its subtlety, its intangibility. This quality is conveyed in the word 'spirit,' whose root meaning is 'wind or breath.' This suggests an invisible but pervasive energy, to which the manifest world of the finite responds. 

This energy, or spirit, infuses all living things, and without it any organism must fall apart into its constituent elements. That which is truly alive in living systems is this energy of spirit, and this is never born and never dies."

-David Bohm, Physicist(one of his favorite passages from his own work read at his funeral)

Please enjoy my latest video coaching blog on the distinction between the world of the form/finite, and that of the formless/infinite.  Please note this is a longer video.  As with all my videos, the best way to absorb the information is to listen like you would to a beautiful piece of music and just see what insights and new thoughts come to you.  Insights are transformative... analysis is not.

There is no written article associated with this subject. Click HERE to see more free video blogs on transformation and living a more wonderful life. For information on personal coaching, click HERE

Love and Light,

Coach Ty

Problems vs Logistics

"Life is a contact sport!"

-Sydney Banks

As a professional coach, most of the people I work with, initially have a laundry list of problems in their life that they think need fixing in order for them to have a more wonderful life.

People come to me with money issues, relationship issues, health issues and anything else you can think of.  They think those are all "problems", but there is actually two different things occurring simultaneously that we think are the same thing.

First, there are Logistics.

Logistics = Physical Circumstances = Life outside of our heads

Things happen in the world.  People we love die, children get sick, car accidents happen, parents get divorced, money is lost, volcanoes erupt, and weather can destroy entire cities. However, none of these things are problems. They are simply circumstances.  They are logistics.  Life just is. I'm not saying don't do anything to change circumstances, but the nature of circumstance is change regardless of whether you have a hand in them changing or not.

The second thing going on is Thought. If you've explored any of my other work, you know I talk extensively about the thought feeling connection.  Our entire experience of life is being created from the inside out via the three principles of mind, consciousness, and thought.  In other words, we feel our thinking, not our circumstances.

Please enjoy the video blog associated with this article here:

Problems then are really just unpleasant thoughts and feelings that we have about our circumstances or the world.  That's it, that is all a problem  is.

In other words, we don't experience what happens to us, we experience what we think.
Thought = Feeling

The truth is, every single human being on the planet has a set of circumstances and those circumstances will continue to change no matter what.  But there are no inherently good feeling circumstances, and there are no inherently bad feeling circumstances.  There are no right and wrong circumstances.  Those are judgments, and a judgment is simply a particular kind of thought form.

Problems don't exist until we think! 

I think the next logical question would be, who gives a rip? Why does any of this matter?

Well, it matters because if you look around and think your life is full of problems in the outside world, you are going to go about trying to solve your problems in the world of form.  That's great except, problems don't exist in the world of form. They can't be solved by looking where they are not.  In other words, if the source of any problem is thought, then the answer is something to do with new thought.  If the answer to circumstances is logistics then look to logistics.

Attempting to "solve" our problems through changing our circumstances, is a lot like hunting dragons.

Imagine your job in life was to go slay all of the dragons in the kingdom.  It was commonly known that defeating all of the dragons was the key to having a wonderful life in this particular kingdom(Even though, nobody had ever actually accomplished it). You would probably pick out your weapon of choice, put some armor on, psyche yourself up a bit, and go out there and hunt and destroy. Over time you would learn all sorts of dragon hunting strategies, and you'd study their tendencies, and you'd hope to get better and better at slaying dragons.

But over time you noticed that dragon behaviors were very erratic, unpredictable, and random.  You also start to observe that for each dragon you successfully slay, another one is there to take it's place.  You begin to question whether you have really killed any dragons at all.  You get discouraged because there seems to be a never ending stream of dangerous fire breathing dragons. But each day, you keep putting one foot in front of the other because everyone knows you can't be happy until all of the dragons are gone... right!?

Now imagine that you wake up one day, and realize categorically and absolutely that there never was any dragons.  They were only ever an illusion, and your true nature was actually happiness the entire time, you just didn't notice because you were so busy hunting dragons.

We human beings think, and then we feel our thinking, and then it comes alive in our consciousness.  We project thought out onto the world, and our thoughts begin to look very significant, very important, and very real.  When our thinking looks real to us, we lose sight of the truth of who we are; beautiful spiritual beings with unlimited creative potential.  And when we lose sight of the truth behind the human experience...  we go dragon hunting.

You see, instead of projecting dragon thoughts onto the world, we project our own personal problem thoughts onto the world. We see things happen and then think "that's not okay... that's not right... that's wrong... evil... immoral...mean spirited... inconsiderate... disrespectful...harsh... cruel!"    But all of those things are an illusion of our own thinking coming to life behind our very eyes.  It's all thought.

If you know that a problem is simply the shadow of a thought, you aren't going to exhaust yourself fighting something that isn't there.  You won't make your life about righting a wrong, or fighting an injustice... because those are just more dragons.  All of that energy can be redirected toward creating from a place of love and peace.

People inevitably get to this point and say, well, if we aren't actively looking for problems with the world and trying to solve them, won't the world essentially become a terrible place?  

The answer is no and I'll tell you why.  When people are not spending the majority of their time up the their heads worrying, and fretting, and problem solving, and putting out fires, and analyzing, and judging(All Thought!) we begin to sink back into our spirits.  We get back in touch with our own innate well-being that is always shining even behind the clouds of our thinking.  Our creativity, and wisdom, and natural connection with other human beings springs to the surface, and we begin to naturally engage in activities that are life sustaining.  You will do things simply because it occurs to you to do them... because your wisdom nudged you in a direction.

Your life will not fall apart when you stop trying to solve all of your personal problems and the problems of the world.  You will engage with life from a place of wholeness and well-being that you never thought possible.  Your particular set of circumstances will look like nothing more than logistics.  Not good or bad, right or wrong, should or shouldn't...    just logistics.  And as thoughts arise under the disguise of problems, you will simply allow them to come and go, just as you would a passing storm. Your life will truly be, problem free.


With all my love and light,

Coach Ty

P.S. If you enjoyed this article, don't forget to check out a host of other Transformative videos and articles on my site.  If you are interested in coaching with me send me an email at CoachTylerThurman@gmail.com and we'll set up a consultation.

Thriving In Relationships

"The moment we see that every feeling is just the shadow of a thought, we stop being scared of our feelings and just feel them."

-Michael Neill

Relationships are, without question, a huge part of every persons life.  We are in constant relationship with other people at home, work, the gym, the grocery store...  any walk of life you can think of.  So, when I talk about relationships I mean any relationship you can think of, not just romantic ones.

At first glance, relationships might seem complicated, but they really are quite simple; and here's why they are simple... They don't exist in the way we think they do. Linguistically, the word 'relationship' is known as a nominalization, which is a verb or a process, that we talk about as if it was a noun, or a thing.

Please enjoy my latest video blog on Thriving in Relationships from back in November.  It is particularly relevant again as we are all thinking about our relationships here in the States on Valentines Day.  

We talk about relationships as if they are OBJECTS or ENTITIES that exists beyond the two people in relationship.  Honestly though... do you really believe there is some invisible thing that exists out there called a relationship? No... of course not.

The truth is, it's just a convenient expression that we use to lump together all of our thoughts and feelings about another person. We are constantly RELATING to the world and other people... but there is no separate entity called a relationship.

However, if we think, and talk, and behave as if relationships exist outside of our thinking, then we are going to think, and talk, and act in the strange ways that we do around relationships.  We say things like "I'm depressed because of my relationship,"  "My relationship is stressing me out," or even "My relationship makes me so happy!".  We even go to therapy to try to 'fix'  and 'work on' our relationships!

The reason trying to work on relationships doesn't usually pan out, is because there isn't actually anything there to work on. Attempting to improve something that doesn't exist is at it's best confusing, and at it's worst downright disastrous! This is why relationships appear so complicated... because we aren't even clear on what they are!

Let me simplify it for you.  A relationship is made of thought.  That's it.  If you are having issues with your "Relationship" and you aren't looking for a thought solution... than you are looking in the wrong direction.

There very simply is no THING called a relationship .  There is You with all of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and they are in no way linked up to the other persons thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.  Understanding this is hugely relevant to thriving while relating to other human beings.  You will no longer attribute any of your good or bad feelings(love, joy, connection, misery, heartache, fear, anger, sadness, depression, stress, etc.) to "The Relationship, orThe Other Person."

The answer sounds too simple but here it is: The number one factor for determining your well-being in relationships is UNDERSTANDING where your feelings/emotions come from.

When you blame any part of your experience of life (Thoughts, Feelings, or behaviors) on the other person, you will not thrive in relationship.

If you want to have largely wonderful relationships, the only thing you have to realize is they are in no way the source of your feelings.  Your emotional experience has nothing to do with your partner, kids, boss, family, friends, or any other person on the planet.  Your emotions come from thought.

Our minds work only one way, Thoughts  ----Create---->  Feelings

Our minds have a thought-feeling mechanism, and we don't know it because the mind works to project our feelings on everything and everyone we can see, touch, smell, taste, or hear.  Your entire experience of life is being created and then projected from the inside out.

What difference could this simple understanding possibly make on relationships you ask? All the difference in the world!

Consider every argument you have ever had with another person. What is the one thing that is always present in every argument or fight? Either one or both of you had "Unpleasant Feelings"(insecurity, sadness, frustration, fear, anger, stress, upset) and then inaccurately attributed the source of those feelings to the other person. We want to make the feelings stop... so of course we go to what we think the source is... the other person or "The Relationship"!  We try to change their behavior, their way of thinking, or even their emotions so that we can feel better.  We would be wrong though, because feelings/emotions don't come from any aspect of another person.  They come from our thinking and our thinking alone.

(Thought ------Creates-----> Feeling) 
It only works this one way.

It does not work in the following way...

Other People's Thoughts, Feelings, or Behaviors ---Create--->   Our Thoughts ---Create---> Our Feelings

Let's look at it from the perspective of attributing our pleasant feelings to other people.  Consider the emotions we describe as grief, heart ache, loss,  and abandonment.  These are all a result of attributing our pleasant experiences of love, peace, joy, and contentment to other people.  That other person then inevitably physically leaves(i.e. death, divorce, break-up) in some way shape or form; taking those feelings with them.  The interesting thing is, if we didn't inaccurately attribute our beautiful feelings to other people, we wouldn't experience the misery of a physical loss or separation.

The source of our feelings of"connection" and "love" when in the presence of other human beings is not because of some magic fairy dust that exists between certain people and not others.  It's because we are spiritually linked to every other human being on the planet, regardless of whether they are physically present or not.  Spiritually there is no separation, we simply have the experience of being separate when we obscure that connection with thought.  When you are up in your head thinking about stuff... pleasant or unpleasant... you are not in touch with your god given connection to others.  And the reason it looks like it's there more with some people is because you have a lot more thinking about certain people, which clouds the connection.

In other words, we have the experience of being disconnected because we experience what we think... but just because you experience your arbitrary thinking, doesn't actually make it true.

No person, circumstance or thing can ever take away your spiritual essence. You are Love and you are connected... it's not a commodity you get from other people, it's the essence of who you are. 

Why is this a transformative idea? Because it's not just an idea, it's the truth.  You are making a paradigm shift; a quantum leap.  You are going from living a large portion of your life based on a lie, to living your life based on the Truth!

The greatest and most pervasive lie on the planet is that your emotional experience of life comes from something other than thought: other people, relationships, jobs, bank balances, houses, pets, traffic, weather, politics, disease, the News... you name it.  The truth is... we are all walking around feeling only our thinking...and we just don't know it.

If you could truly see that there are no emotional germs being spread from one person to another;  If you could truly see that your well-being has nothing to do with other people in your life; and, if you could truly see that your essence is love and connection, then you would be free of all of the conditions you yourself have placed on your happiness, love, and peace of mind. You would be free to love the world and all of it's people with all of your heart.

So, my not very profound advice to you would be... look to the truth of the human experience, and it shall set you free! 

With all the love in the world,

Coach Ty