The Choice Point

"Do we 'wake up' by bringing higher levels of awareness and consciousness to our lives, or do we go unconscious and let our lives pass us by in a haze of half formed dreams and imagined torments?"

-Michael Neill

Over the last several weeks, I've been looking at what it is that really allows people to transform their lives and make once and for all changes.  I've begun to make some of those changes in my life, stepping forward to be a leader and a more powerful and loving coach.  I noticed myself, in particular over the last week, making some very different choices compared to what I have in the past, in regards to how I show up in the world.  I've decided to partner power and boldness with love as a leader and a coach.  There was a point over the last weekend that I realized not only was I showing up that way, but I was taking actions that supported that way of being.  I'm still in process with it, however there was a definite shift.  This really sparked my curiosity as to what is that point where we actually change, and how does that come about.  What is it that has us rise above our current circumstances and automatic ways of being to create something completely new for ourselves?  Let's take a look shall we?

One of the things I'll often tell my clients is that everyone is essentially doing the best they know how to do given their past, values, beliefs, and the conditions of their lives.  This can be an extremely useful lens with which to view others and the past.  If you want to hold others softly, with love and kindness; then taking this on as a belief will serve you tremendously.  You will no longer feel the desire to hold grudges or remain upset with people, because they were just doing what they knew how to do, no more, no less.  It's the whole, 'forgive them for they know not what they do' concept.  This works equally well for forgiving yourself for all of those things in the past that you'd like a do-over for. To learn more about this kind of forgiveness, check out last weeks coaching article, Real Forgiveness.

Okay, now let's look at how this idea can become a road block.  When I consider that I am doing the best I know how to do, that can actually be dis-empowering in the present moment, can it not?  If we really want to wake up from the haze of the automatic, habitual parts of our lives, then we can't simply continue to do what we know how to do.  We have to learn to do it different and then on some level choose to change.  Now of course, you could make the argument that we are learning all the time, and with each new learning, we are actually doing the best we know how to do.  But if I'm completely honest with myself, there are times when I am aware of a new way I would like to behave, or an authentic thing I would love to say, and I choose to go with what's familiar and automatic instead.

Have you ever felt that way?  Have you ever had the experience of knowing how it is you'd love to be, and then just continuing to go with the norm?  It's a bit frustrating isn't it?  Some people live out their whole lives in this state.  Some go years and years essentially living the same day over and over again, with no end in sight (Groundhog Day anybody?). It's just doing what you know how to do, without tapping into possibility, or inspiration, or love.

There is another possibility though, it's the possibility to make a new choice.  This ability to choose something new, to choose the road less traveled, exists and is waiting for you in every single future moment of now.  This choice will ultimately be the difference between living a life that is driven by your conditioned self, or a life inspired by your wisdom and inner knowing.  It's the choice between love and fear.  It's the choice between essence and survival mechanism.  It's the choice between inspiration and desperation.  It's the choice between being a dreamer of the night, and what T.E. Lawrence termed a dreamer of the day.  It all starts with a choice.  Are we going to honor who we really are, or are we going to continue to service our self-image and all of the fears and insecurities that come with it?

Now, if we want to choose different, if we want to wake up and create a wonderful life for ourselves, how do we do that?  It begins quite simply with an awareness of how things currently are.  Without awareness, the point of power that is now, is obscured from our vision.  If we can't see that there is a choice to be made, then there is no choice to be made.  A psychologist once said, 'whether there is actually a poisonous snake by my foot, or I just think there is, I react the same'.  So, do whatever you can do to up your level of awareness in your life.  When you find yourself engaged in behaviors and choices that you aren't so sure about, ask yourself, what is this for?  What is this in service of?  Is the choice I'm making in this moment to remain asleep, to simply 'cut and paste' the past, onto the future canvas of my life; or am I breaking out the paint and the brushes to create a life of love, purpose and meaning?

Our unconscious mind drives the majority of our behavior.  What we do day in and day out is largely a result of habit and automatic ways of being.  However, that is not where possibility lives.  When you begin to shine the flashlight of awareness onto your present behaviors and circumstances, that will allow you to turn the light toward the future, and begin to walk a different path.

It can be very easy to make this into a black and white conversation.  However, I invite you to be kind with yourself.  I invite you to consider making new more empowering choices as being on a gradient, instead of all or nothing.  Because, unless you're one of the enlightened masters, you're going to fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum with this one.

If you'd like to fast-track this process, I suggest getting some support.  I think one of the most wonderful investments you can make for yourself is hiring a personal coach, such as myself, to assist you in transforming how you show up in the world and the results you produce.  If that isn't an option for you, then enroll a friend or family member and you can be awareness buddies for one another.  Ask each other, are you creating more of the same, or are you stepping into the unknown?

There will almost certainly be fear when you reach this point because you are stepping into unfamiliar territory.  It's a normal enough reaction, but recognize it is in direct response to your thoughts, and not the world outside you.  As you begin to live on the edge of what's familiar and dive into the unknown more and more, your focus switches from fear to possibility.  And, even if there is fear, it's okay, because you know what?... You can do fear.

Okay, so now that you have upped your awareness, gotten support, and addressed the fear, what now?  Well it is important to have a vision of how you'd like it to be.  You need to have an idea of what it is you actually want to create for yourself.  Imagine for a moment that you have complete control over your life and you are starting from scratch.  You have no preconceived notions about how you are supposed to behave, and what the appropriate goals are for you.  The only questions you have to go by are: what would I love to create for myself and in the world?  What would I love my purpose to be?  What do I want my legacy to be when I'm gone?  Who would I like to spend time with? What skills would I like to master.  Without this vision, you won't have the inspiration or the fuel to truly transform your life.

After you spend some time with these questions, the next bit is to create an intention.  When you know what it is you want to make your life about, hold the intention of that as often as you can.  If it feels too big, just start with a decision you are facing today and ask yourself, is this what I want to make my life about today?

Now, I can't tell you when or how the awareness and the insight will show up, but if you continue to look in that direction, I can assure you that it absolutely will come.  The final step then in the present moment, in that choice point, is to decide!  You can have all of the build-up to change, but without the decision in the moment to see, be, and do things differently from the past, change is impossible. I as a coach, can walk you to the bus stop, I can buy you a ticket, but ultimately it is you and you alone who is responsible for getting on the bus.


Coaching Tip: Harness the power of your choice point
to recap:

1. Up your levels of awareness around your current choices by looking in that direction and asking yourself powerful questions.
2. Enroll the support of a coach, mentor, or friend so they can point out your blind spots, and believe me, we all have them.
3. Create a vision for how you want your life to be, taking into account joy, love, connection, meaning, purpose, and legacy.
4. Create and hold the intention to, from this day forward, make your life about everything in step 3.
5. Choose the behaviors, actions, and words that support the vision for your life.

And with that, I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes in the world:

"All men dream, but not all equally.  Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible."
-T.E. Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia)

Love and Light,
Tyler