Navigating By Mood

"Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through ones head."

-Mark Twain

*NOTE: This article is in large part a continuation of my previous article, Thought vs. Circumstance, so I recommend you read both to get maximum value.*

When you come to the place in your life where you have a very sound understanding that your experience is being created moment by moment through the way that you think about it...  that leads most people to a question.  What the heck do I do about my thinking?

The first place most people go when they realize how much of an impact their thinking is having on their life experience, is to control their thinking.  This is sometimes referred to as bringing in the thought police.  We think if we can just focus hard enough, and spend enough time and energy, we can successfully keep out all negative thoughts, and let only the positive ones through.  My experience of this is that it just doesn't work.  Can we really control the thoughts that pop into our heads? I think not.  Most people make up that when they can't successfully accomplish this, the reason is because there is something wrong with them, or they just don't have the discipline, or they aren't trying hard enough.  The reality is, we're just not built to have complete conscious control of our thinking.

There is however a grain of usefulness in this idea.  While we can't seem to control our thinking, we do seem to have a degree of freedom over which thoughts we invest more or less attention or consciousness into.  In other words, instead of mistaking your thinking for real, you can literally just take your thinking less seriously.  The question is which thinking do you take seriously, and which thinking do you disregard.  The answer is really simple.  We all have a built in thought quality indicator, and it is our mood.  Now when I say mood, I mean our internal emotional climate.  We are pretty  much always in some sort of a high mood, or low mood. Low moods are typically states like anxiousness, nervousness, frustration, anger, fear, or sadness. A high mood can be described as anything from joyful, inspired, and peaceful, to happy, and content. Now let me be clear, when I talk about high moods, I don't mean a crazy, elated, high feeling that we all get sometimes.  I'm talking about that head space where our minds slow down and inside, we feel quiet, clear, and connected.

Of course we all have moods right? Duh. But understanding how they work can actually transform your experience of life.  The first thing you'll discover about moods if you look closely is that they always pass.  Have you ever been in a mood that has lasted forever? I can pretty much guarantee you have not.  Even if you feel like you've been sad for years, if you look hard enough, you can always find breaks in the storm.

Here's an analogy for the significance of simply understanding that moods pass.  Imagine you are stuck in an immense storm in the middle of no where and you are by yourself.  Now consider that you believe 100% that the storm will last forever.  Can you imagine that?  Not a very pleasant thought is it?  That would be pretty stressful experience would it not?  Okay, now consider a second scenario where it's the same storm, same set of circumstances, but this time you know without a shadow of a doubt that the storm will pass, and it will likely even pass within the next couple hours.  Would you have a different experience of the storm based on the two different beliefs about weather, yes or no? Yes of course you would.  Well, it's the same for our thinking.  The real suffering that comes from a low mood, is often not because of the mood itself.  It's actually a lack of understanding the truth, which is that it'll pass and something much calmer and more peaceful will come along... if we let it.

Now, for the second fundamental understanding about our moods.  You may or may not have noticed, that when you are in a low mood, your thinking is fear based, insecure, unproductive, and mostly just unpleasant. On the flip side, when you are in a high mood, your thoughts are inspired, creative, and very useful.  You might also find you have access to your inner wisdom in these higher moods or in a quieter state of mind.

Where most of us go astray, is we've been taught to take our low mood thinking more seriously than our high mood thinking.  The reality is, we've got it backwards.  You are your most creative and resourceful, when you are settled into the well of your being.  When you understand how your moods work, you can minimize the damage you would otherwise cause by taking your thoughts seriously.  When you know that your thinking is crap when your mood is low, you don't then have to go do something about it.  If you have a sudden urge to tell your boss what you really think, you might want to ignore that thought.  If you have a sudden desire to break-up with your spouse because you feel bad, you may want to wait for a higher mood.  Generally speaking when we make decisions from a place of fear and insecurity, we make bad decisions.

If you want to navigate your life with a sense of ease and well-being, your moods are the key. It's really simple, but it definitely takes some practice in generating awareness, and breaking up an old habit of thinking.  If  you want to experiment with this idea for yourself, here's what you do.

Weekly Coaching Tip:

1. Begin to pay attention to what kind of mood you are in, especially if you are about to make an important decision, or have an important conversation/interaction with another person.
2. If you are in a low mood(upset, angry, sad, fearful, insecure) WAIT... don't make any important decisions, and don't act on your low mood thinking. Don't buy into and take your thoughts seriously. Your only job in this state is to minimize the damage you do by not acting.  The obvious caveat is that if you are in a physically dangerous situation, get out and worry about your moods and thinking later.
3. Why do you wait? Because all moods pass, and with it, your insane thinking will also pass.  It is the nature of moods to pass.  You will sink back into a higher mood when your miserable thinking passes, and access to your inner wisdom will return with it.
4. If you are in a higher mood(quiet mind, peaceful, clear, connected) trust your thoughts to be high quality, and to come from a deeper place.  In this state, you've got the go ahead to consult yourself.  Ask yourself meaningful questions and listen for answers.  You will likely know what to do and where to go from this place... and if you don't, enjoy the mystery and possibility of the unknown.

Until next week, love and light,

Coach Ty

Thought vs. Circumstance

"You are creating your experience of everything in your life through the way that you think about it."

-Michael Neill, Super Coach

One of the fundamental distinctions that underlies the transformative coaching work that I do, is that of Thought vs. Circumstance.  Often times I'll meet with somebody for the first time, and their primary concern is that they don't like their current set of circumstances, and they want me to help them get better ones.  Most of these individuals also believe that these new set of circumstances will bring feelings of happiness, joy, well-being, and love.  This is quite possibly the biggest myth in western civilization: I'll be happy when I get what I want.  This is simply not true.  Our feelings can't come from circumstances.  This is why when you go see a movie with a friend, you can feel uplifted and inspired afterwards while your friend can feel disappointed and annoyed.  Each person has a different feeling after the movie, which means the feeling is not inherent in the circumstance; it comes from somewhere else.

That's pretty easy to see if you are willing to look in that direction.  The next question is, well if my experience of life(my feelings and emotions) don't come from the world outside me, then what is the source?  The answer is, your thinking.  This is what Sydney Banks calls the missing link, our thoughts.  We live in a thought centered universe.  When we thing a scary thought, we experience fear.  When we think a joyful thought, we feel joy.  When we think about being close and connected with someone, we experience love.  We quite literally feel our thinking.

There is a story of a brilliant psychologist George Pransky, where he was speaking with a client about the nature of thought, and she asks, "so are you saying my thinking is just a mirage?"
He responds with "Well, let's put it this way, it's a real mirage."

The problem is not our thinking, it is when we mistake our thinking for being something more solid and real than just thought.  When we make our thoughts important, and meaningful, and something to be taken very seriously, the result is we get to struggle and we get to suffer.

The intention of making this distinction is NOT so that you can begin to attempt to control your thoughts and emotions.  And I certainly don't want you to bring out the thought police.  The purpose is to have a deeper understanding of how your experience is being created.  When you know that you only ever feel your thinking, and you take ownership of that, life can gets really simple, and really wonderful.  You no longer experience yourself at the mercy of your circumstances.  Sure there will still be things that happen that you would like to be different, but you won't attempt to change them anymore so that you can feel better inside.

Why is this relevant? When you are no longer looking to change the world in order to change the way you feel, it frees up a tremendous amount of energy and mental clarity to actually create some pretty wonderful things in the world.  So much of our time and energy is spent mistaking our thinking for reality, that we don't have much oomph left to actually show up in the world and create from a place of possibility.

When you understand that your thinking is just your thinking, it's not real, then you don't actually have to take it seriously.  It can take some time to really see the truth of this, but I promise that when you do, your experience of life will transform.  As your understanding of the nature of life and thought increases, you might just find yourself feeling less stress, not taking things personally, having less fear, connecting more with others, being more creative and fulfilled, and experiencing more peace and love then ever before.  These are your natural states of being that get clouded over by your thinking.  And when we begin to lessen our hold on our thoughts, and reduce our investment in them, they begin to fall away.  At that point we return to the essence of who we are, joy, peace, intimacy, connection, wisdom, and love.

If you don't believe me, just have an experience of this.  As an experiment over the next week, I want you to pretend as though your thoughts just aren't that important.  What if those fearful or insecure thoughts didn't carry any more weight than your thoughts about what to have for dinner?  Do you think you might take some different actions?  Do you think you might feel differently?  Do you think you might have a quieter mind?  Do you think you might be able to access and follow your inner wisdom? The answer is yes, yes, and yes.  But don't take my word for it, go find out for yourself.

Until next time, live boldly and love everyone!

Coach Ty

If you want massive support from me in creating 2012 from a place of ease, joy and well-being, please contact me about 1 on 1 coaching.